CHIBA, Japan -- Hatsune Miku, Japan's eternally sweet 16-year old pop star, threw a birthday bash for the record books this year - making it the 16th time she's transitioned from a mature 15 to an oh-so-wise 16. And no, age is not really just a number in this case. The chlorophyll-haired virtual diva marked the annual occasion with an existential question, "If a computer program celebrates a birthday every year, does it exceed the age of its human creator?" The answer will perhaps forever remain a mystery, much like Miku's never-waning youth. Miku, the epitome of "forever young," used to be just a computer program. She has since morphed into a nationally celebrated pop icon with aqua ponytails longer than the Nile river. This Vocaloid sensation's phrase of the month? - "Sweet sixteen and never been rebooted." This year's synthetic sweet sixteen was marked by fan-designed holographic cakes, neon streamers, and souvenirs in the form of limited edition Seiko watches and doll replicas of the azure-haired starlet herself. Why? Maybe because singing dolls are so 2007. In true Japanese efficiency, these dolls can sing, dance, and occasionally correct your grammar when they're not performing. Additionally, a virtual exhibition dedicated to her illustrious career was held, showcasing her high-pitched performances and her evolution from computer script to pop diva. Miku's fans were busy fan-girling and fan-boying over her digital dress-up session, composing songs that seemed straight out of a J-pop fever dream. Data analysts, with nothing better to do, revealed that Miku’s birthday posts had a higher engagement rate than the GDP of some small countries. Clearly, a sign that the microchip-powered teen's popularity isn't just making waves on manga store bookshelves. This just in - Sweet Sixteen celebrations are passé. The trend now is Synthetic Sweet Sixteen, preferably repeated ad nauseam. Sample this; a 16-year-old's sulking because she can't have three ponytails like Miku, forgetting that unlike the Vocaloid sensation, humans have hair follicles instead of pixels to contend with. In conclusion, Happy Synthetic Sweet Sixteen, Miku, and may you forever continue restarting at 16, forever confusing us with your eternally unchanging age. In the meantime, her human fans expect a real-life fountain of youth to be unveiled soon. After all, it only seems fair that if Miku gets to be forever 16, they should at least get a chance at reversing their aging! Reporting from a confusing yet fascinating digital age, this is XYZ, signing off.