In a stunning turn of events that has left economists scratching their heads and students crying into their coffee, Federal Reserve officials have announced they are actively preparing to swap out years of rate hikes for the much-anticipated flatlining of interest rates, all while ignoring the real elephant in the room: student loans. After a relentless battle against inflation that has left the financial world feeling like a treadmill in a gym—constantly moving but getting nowhere—the Fed is reportedly ready to implement its first interest rate cut since early 2020. Investors, bless their hopeful hearts, are speculating on whether these cuts will be a modest quarter-point adjustment or a bolder half-point plunge. Either way, it looks like the financial community is about to enjoy the sweet taste of lower borrowing costs, but students are left wondering—what about their student loans? "You know, it's really exciting to see the Fed take a step back from the relentless rate hikes," said a local economics professor. "But my students are still asking me why they owe more in interest than their actual degrees are worth. I mean, could we discuss cutting student loan interest rates? No? Just me?" While the Fed focuses on easing financial pressures for corporations and billionaires, student loan borrowers are beginning to feel like that forgotten child at a birthday party—everyone is enjoying the cake while you're left with a handful of expired coupons. As policymakers huddle together releasing economic forecasts that offer shiny new rates for businesses, students have been left to peruse their old textbooks, hoping that some miracle will make their debts disappear. "I can't believe they're cutting rates when my student loan balance just keeps growing faster than my self-esteem after final exams," lamented Jane Doe, a recent college graduate. "I thought the Fed's job was to manage the economy, not help me manage my emotional breakdown over my financial future." The irony is rich; millions of Americans have been eagerly waiting for a moment to celebrate lower interest rates, only to find the moment overshadowed by the crushing weight of their educational debts. Critics are calling for immediate action on student loans, but all the Fed can offer is a noisy room filled with earnest discussions sprinkled with optimistic jargon. As they prepare their announcement, hopes are high that reduced rates will translate to an economic rebirth and more disposable income for the average Joe and Jane. Meanwhile, the average former student continues to navigate the labyrinthine world of repayment plans that feel more like a philosophical puzzle than a financial strategy. "Thanks for lowering rates on loans I don’t have," Jane added bitterly as she checked her bank account, noting the painfully familiar negative balance. "Maybe next time, they can cut us a break on these student loans too. Or at least a slice of cake."