In a move that has left economists scratching their heads and President Trump’s advisors praying for a miracle, the Federal Reserve announced yesterday that it would keep interest rates steady, citing the need to "let the dust settle" after Trump’s latest Twitter escapades. In what can only be described as the financial equivalent of saying “I’ll have what she’s having,” the Fed has also stuck to its guns on two potential rate cuts by year-end. Though, with Trump’s track record for unpredictability, those cuts might come with a side of “who knows?” “Inflation is expected to stay higher than our original estimates,” said a somber Fed spokesperson. “Much like my expectations for my Twitter feed after midnight!” Rumor has it that Fed economists are now sharpening their predictive skills by observing Trump's moods like they’re studying the migratory patterns of the rarest bird. As if anticipating a reality show twist, the Fed’s glass ball has turned cloudy on economic growth too. “We previously imagined a steady ascent but are now viewing it from the ground level while holding our collective breath,” the spokesperson continued. “We’ve adjusted our forecast downward, presumably in line with the stock market's emotional rollercoaster ride every time Trump breathes near a microphone.” In a chic twist, the Fed left everyone pondering whether they should be excited or terrified about the state of the economy as they wondered just how many economic policies can fit onto the back of a Twitter notification. The ongoing uncertainties, mostly stemming from the president's penchant for dramatic fiscal policies — you know, the usual mix of tariffs, trade wars, and a dash of “let’s see what happens” — has left some Fed officials shaking their heads in disbelief. “It’s like trying to predict the next plot twist in a soap opera, only with more numbers and significantly less romantic tension,” one economist quipped. With Trump reportedly watching Fed announcements as avidly as he does ratings for The Apprentice, advisers rushed to explain that keeping rates steady was more like giving the country a hug and less like a love letter to Wall Street. Meanwhile, the stock market reacted, as it always does, with a flurry of emojis and a collective groan. As confused investors await clarity, one thing remains certain: watching the economy today is a full-time job, preferably with a side gig of guessing Trump’s next move. If only there was an app for that!