In a shocking turn of events, Sydney's elite Arrest Squad has delivered a crushing blow against the city's most notorious criminals: the defunct remnants of fruitcake smugglers and the ill-famed band of youths who were just trying to sell lemonade at a local park. As their slogan suggests, "When in doubt, take them out!" the squad has turned its sights on those whom every other law enforcement agency has shunned for being far too ridiculous to take seriously. Citizens had long known that the city's most pressing concerns — such as potholes deep enough to swallow a car, skyrocketing rent, and the perpetual existential ennui of living in a metropolis — were far from the remit of the dedicated officers in khaki who have, for too long, been relegated to nabbing common jaywalkers and ticketless subway riders. Fallen heroes they called themselves, these officers have now been hailed as the saviors of society, embarking on an undercover operation so deep that it took them all the way to the local park on a sunny afternoon. "I couldn't believe what I saw! A band of kids in t-shirts and shorts trying to sell lemonade for 50 cents! The horror!" exclaimed Officer McTrueman, wiping away a tear as he recounted the moment they descended upon the scene like a soap opera cliffhanger. Their operation, code-named "Operation Citrus Justice," resulted in the confiscation of over a dozen cups of what they labeled "questionable lemonade" — the main charge being ‘unregulated refreshment sales.’ The arrest of a few grinning twelve-year-olds marked the high point of the year for the squad, whose members had been lamenting the lack of real 'bad guys’ to hunt in a place that, let’s face it, is just too exquisite for traditional criminal activity. Many locals expressed gratitude for such proactive measures in a time where lawlessness threatened to make its way into even the most mundane of lives. "I've lived in Sydney my whole life, and frankly, I felt unsafe seeing those kids happy. I'm relieved to know our Arrest Squad is doing their job," shared one elderly resident, shaking her head disapprovingly. Critics, however, were quick to point out the preposterous mismatched priorities. As notorious crime syndicates continue to run unchecked, focusing on lemonade sales and crusty old fruitcake runners appears to be the last stand of a beleaguered force grasping at straws in their hunt for a headline. But isn’t that the essence of heroism in modern society? Perhaps they’ve merely chosen to fight the stereotypes of crime in a way that’s relatable—everyone loves a good lemonade stand, after all. In an emotional address, the squad’s commander, Sergeant Gusto, stood brave and tall: “Folks, we put ourselves in harm's way to protect the integrity of our community. It’s about making sure that every adult is safe from those endless cups of sugary doom. Thank you for your continued support as we fight the fight that no one else dares!” As citizens continue to sip their overpriced lattes and navigate their daily dramas, the fallen heroes of Sydney’s Arrest Squad stand ready and vigilant, prepared, should the expanded black market of cupcakes, brownies and rogue cookie dough ever rear its head. God bless their brave hearts — they may just be the last line of defense against a confectionary apocalypse.