In an eagerly awaited yet unsurprisingly ambiguous move, European Union leaders have called out to potential member nations – SECURELY PROMISING that they won't cut in front of the formalistic bureaucratic line. The declaration came during a summit in the lusciously historical Spanish city of Granada, where leaders repeated the mantra of EU enlargement being an, "investment in peace, security, stability and prosperity". All this peace, security, stability and prosperity apparently cannot be rushed, though. The leaders have been firm in making it clear to overly keen candidates like Ukraine, Moldova and the nations of the Western Balkans that there would be no race to the finish line, no unleashing the wild horses of European union, no cake with the cherry already on top – in short, no shortcuts. So when we say EU leaders said, "Come on in!", we naturally don't mean right now – perhaps after a couple of decades of official paperwork, stone-faced bureaucrats, and the incredible ability to remain unremittingly patient while the matter gets lost in a sea of policies, procedures, and that notoriously efficient European bureaucracy. In the declaration that ironically seemed as long as the membership process itself, there was no target date set. This mirrors the EU approach to handling complex matters – slowly, steadily, and with an air of profound mystery. After all, what's the fun if you don't keep them waiting and guessing? One anonymous EU official explained, "It's like inviting someone to a party but not handing them the actual invitation, or telling them when and where the party is. And definitely no indication of what type of drinks will be served.” Ultimately, EU leaders hope, this approach will ensure that the next wave of member nations are well-versed in the fine art of waiting, perfectly poised to operate in a world where everything from decision-making to coffee runs operates on ‘Brussels Time’. And, until they get used to this, no coconuts were promised! So for the likes of Ukraine, Moldova and hopeful Balkan states, their dream of having a piece of the European pie remains something they can look forward to in the general ballpark of 'sometime in the vague and distant future', a scheduling slot well-known and often used by EU's precise timekeepers. Still, as they say, good things come to those who wait, unless of course, you're waiting for coconuts from the EU.