In a bold and unprecedented move, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has officially decided to hit the snooze button on its much-anticipated advisory board meeting, apparently prioritizing a climate-appropriate nap over pressing environmental issues. This shocking revelation has left scientists, environmental advocates, and, quite frankly, anyone with functioning ocular cavities and an interest in the planet, scratching their heads in disbelief. Sources close to the situation indicated that the meeting, initially scheduled for June, was postponed indefinitely due to what an insider described as the "overwhelming fatigue from all the climate data." "We just thought it best to regroup and take a breather," said one anonymous EPA official, who insisted on remaining unnamed. "I mean, have you seen how relentless Mother Nature has been? It’s exhausting!" In a world where record temperatures and devastating storms have become the new norm, the EPA's decision to delay discussions about scientific research and environmental policy has been interpreted by many as a master class in procrastination. “Honestly, I thought they were getting ready to unveil that major new initiative we've all been waiting for. Turns out, it was just a collective decision to binge-watch documentaries on Netflix instead,” lamented Dr. Green, an environmental scientist who has seen more than his share of postponements. The advisory board meeting was set to address crucial issues such as air quality, water pollution, and the rapid decline of biodiversity. However, under the guidance of its new motto, "Why fix it today when we can sleep on it?", the EPA has opted for a more relaxed approach. The board’s members reportedly found consensus around the idea that some discussions are best left for tomorrow—or the tomorrow after that—especially if it involves facts that could make them uncomfortable. Meanwhile, environmental crises continue to escalate across the country. But fear not, citizens! The EPA assures us that everyone is working diligently from the comfort of their couches with snacks on hand. “We’re focusing on self-care and mental health. It’s crucial to keep a positive mindset while watching the world burn,” explained another official, who preferred to remain less-than-identified for reasons that should be incredibly clear. Criticism has poured in from all corners, with citizens starting a petition titled “Wake Up, EPA! and Don’t Hit Snooze on Our Future.” However, the organization humorously responded with a snide tweet saying that they couldn’t review the petition until their current nap cycle was completed. In an attempt to distract the public from this glaring negligence, the EPA has taken to social media, launching a new hashtag trend: #EcoChill, inviting followers to join them in their nap-themed environmental campaign. “Together, we can snooze our way to a better planet!” the agency proclaimed in an Instagram post featuring a cozy blanket and a cup of herbal tea. As discussions about “what could have been” circulate across various platforms, one thing is for sure: the EPA has redefined the meaning of inaction. With a success rate that rivals the majority of New Year’s resolutions, it appears the only thing greener than their policies is the hue of the grass they’re currently sleeping on.