In a shocking turn of events that has left environmentalists clutching their organic, fair-trade coffee mugs in disbelief, former President Donald Trump has announced his new initiative: “Operation Greenlight – Taking Out the Green.” This bold initiative aims to “drain the swamp” of green activists who have the audacity to advocate for clean air, sustainable energy, and those pesky climate regulations that threaten our beloved 19th-century coal jobs. In his latest rally, Trump proclaimed, “We need to protect our beautiful, beautiful planet from these tree-hugging, granola-munching radicals who just want to ruin America!” The crowd erupted in cheers, many of them wearing ‘Make America Great Again’ hats made from 100% recycled plastic. True patriots, indeed! The plan is said to have been inspired by an intense late-night Twitter binge, fueled by the caffeine of overcooked fast food and a side of the latest Fox News segment. Details are murky, but sources close to the former president report that Trump is brainstorming ways to achieve “absolute environmental capitalism” – a concept still under heavy contemplation by philosophers, ecologists, and kindergarten teachers alike. Initially, the operation will propose the deployment of “Eco Angels,” which conservative think tanks say will be heavily armed with notepads and pamphlets that contain outrageous facts about the environment, like “Polar Bears are becoming endangered because they don’t have a Starbucks to hang out in.” Supporters are already gearing up their social media accounts with hashtags like #MakeNatureGreatAgain and #WeWillNotBeSilencedUnlessItsByLumberjacks. Among the first targets of Trump’s greenlit initiative are organizations like Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, and anyone who has ever shown concern for an endangered species, including the increasingly rare Trump golf course dolphin. These groups have long been a thorn in the side of Trump’s real estate empire, which he insists must be built right on top of pristine wetlands because, let’s face it, who doesn’t love the smell of fresh concrete in the morning? Environmentalists fear that with this newfound focus on dismantling their movements, they could soon be facing off gladiator-style against luxury developers armed with bulldozers instead of swords. “It’s a new day for those of us in the green community,” lamented one activist while hugging a very confused tree. “We didn’t expect to become the villain in Trump’s reality show, but here we are, waiting for our eviction notice like modern-day refugees from the planet.” In a strange twist, Trump also announced that “Operation Greenlight” would feature a carnival component. The right-wing media is ecstatic over the idea of a “Truth or Trash” booth, where participants can learn fun facts about climate change while throwing miniature plastic straws at a life-sized cardboard cutout of Leonardo DiCaprio. As the world watches this latest chapter of America’s environmental saga unfold, one thing is certain: whether Trump is victorious in this war against sedition—sorry, “green activists”—or if he overshoots his mark, you can bet it will be a wild ride, complete with hotly contested Twitter wars, sensationalist headlines, and possibly a poorly-rated reality TV series. Producers are already jostling for rights, hoping for another smash hit, but maybe this time it will have a real environmental impact – albeit one of minimal importance for the planet, but massive for ratings.