Extra, extra, read all about it! Mere mortals of Earth, rejoice! Elon Musk's SpaceX has just launched the largest and most powerful rocket ever built, Starship, en route to Mars. In an unprecedented move, Mr. Musk has announced the sale of one-way tickets to Mars for the ultimate escape from Earth! As we all know, the planet Earth is on fire, figuratively and quite literally. Why stay here, worrying about climate change, political turmoil, and gluten, when you can escape to the pristine, albeit barren, landscape of Mars? And, hey, if you love the color orange, this is quite the deal! In a statement following the marvelous launch, Elon Musk declared, "I've always thought Earth is a bit mainstream. Starship was built for those who seek an alternative lifestyle away from the trappings of society. Plus, as a real-life Tony Stark, it's my duty to make interplanetary travel accessible to everyone." The Starship rocket system is expected to eventually carry 100 astronauts. However, pre-launch ticket sales were exclusively open to Earth's billionaires. Alas, the unwashed masses will simply have to wait their turn to trade in their Teslas for a ticket to the stars. SpaceX suggests that passengers with a penchant for survival should start packing their bags with an unlimited supply of astronaut food, bottled water, oxygen tanks, SPF 4000+, and some clothing, as desert nights can get a little chilly on Mars. And just because there's no WiFi doesn't mean one can't look fresh! While there is no return date (ever) for these daring Martian pioneers, the good news is that the escape from Earth is one-way. So, don't fret about having to clear customs on the way back! Government paperwork is such a hassle here on Earth. Mars offers a true libertarian paradise! Saturate your senses with interplanetary panoramas, live free from societal expectations, and simultaneously solve Earth's overpopulation challenge by getting your one-way ticket to Mars now! After all, with Starship's advanced rocket system, your destination is but a cosmic heartbeat away.