In a bizarre twist of corporate manipulation, Elon Musk has decided to put a $97.4 billion price tag on OpenAI, but only if it agrees to a strict non-profit status. In a move that the tech world has dubbed “Musk’s Game of Keep Away,” the billionaire entrepreneur seeks to reignite his longstanding feud with profit motivations in artificial intelligence. Sources close to Musk reveal that his legal team has ominously filed documents in court emphasizing that the multi-billion-dollar offer comes with an unusual stipulation: OpenAI must promise to be “as non-profit as possible, like a pancake fundraiser run by the local church.” According to Musk’s attorneys, “If they so much as think about going public, we’re pulling the offer faster than you can say ‘cryptocurrency crash.’” As Tesla’s stock fluctuates more than a toddler on a sugar high, Musk’s antics have raised eyebrows across Wall Street. Analysts are now speculating whether this is a strategic move to corner the AI market or just another one of Musk’s elaborate pranks, like his infamous “Not a Flamethrower” launch party. "Hey, if I can't create AI that helps humanity without the greed element, I'll just buy it outright and keep it charitable," Musk was quoted as saying, likely in his most dramatic and theatrical manner. Moreover, it appears that Musk has taken a page from the Playbook of High-Stakes Negotiation. Those in the know have hinted he’s currently working on a reality show inspired by his dealings, tentatively titled “Shark Tank: For Non-Profits Only,” where contestants pitch their altruistic AI projects to a panel featuring Musk himself. Critically, reaction from the tech community has ranged from amusement to concern. Many are scratching their heads, pondering why Musk, who has enough cash to build a moon colony, would want to acquire a non-profit organization instead of just creating a new one. Recently, a leader in the AI sector commented, “It's interesting that someone seeking to revolutionize technology is so obsessed with avoiding the idea of making money. That’s like a chef refusing to cook with anything other than frozen dinners.” In the meantime, OpenAI's board members have expressed confusion about the offer's implications. One board member was heard muttering, “Imagine the K-12 education system where all students are encouraged to work in non-profits. It could create an army of socially conscious individuals without understanding market dynamics—like a fan club for used socks.” As the world watches to see how this game unfolds, it’s clear that Musk has mastered the art of keeping us all entertained—even if it means tossing billions around in pursuit of pure altruism and endlessly nagging his startup rivals. While it appears the battle between profit and non-profit remains heated, one thing is certain: folks will be keeping their popcorn at the ready, eagerly awaiting each twist in Musk's extraordinary saga.