In a surprising turn of events that has left both students and parents scratching their heads, the Education Minister has pledged to provide students with "material" support—though, in a significant twist, they explicitly stated that textbooks are off the table. During a press conference held at the Ministry of Obscure Edicts, the Minister—dressed in a cape that suspiciously resembled a graduation gown—assured the public that "getting rid of textbooks is the first step in revolutionizing education." With a flourish, they declared that what students really need is not dusty tomes, but rather "exemplary life skills, street smarts, and the ability to binge-watch educational YouTube videos." The proposed "material support" initiative will reportedly include the distribution of items like fidget spinners for maintaining focus, assorted stress balls shaped like famous historical figures, and large quantities of glitter to emphasize creativity in learning (because nothing says 'I understand calculus' like a desk covered in sparkles). The Minister also mentioned a potential collaboration with local pizza places to provide “pizza and poetry” nights, combining the love of literature with the undeniable power of carbs. Parents, upon hearing this news, had mixed reactions. Many voiced their concern on social media about their children having to rely on "Google and TikTok for homework," while others enthusiastically supported the idea of “family pizza nights” becoming a staple of educational advancement. One parent, speaking on condition of anonymity, remarked, "As long as the kids are learning about ratios while trying to figure out how to divide a pizza among six friends, I call that progress!" Despite the apparent enthusiasm, critics quickly surfaced. Educational experts argued that while the idea of eliminating traditional textbooks might open the door for innovative learning methods, relying on fidget toys and take-out to educate students might lead to degrees in procrastination and pizza studies. "If we start allowing this kind of nonsense, pretty soon kids will believe reading is optional," lamented one disheveled professor surrounded by piles of unruly textbooks. In an effort to calm the rising tide of skepticism, the Minister concluded, “Just think of the free time students will have! They can focus on personal projects such as making TikTok dances to explain Shakespeare, or creating art installations out of… well, whatever they find lying around.” As the Minister exited the stage, confetti exploded from party poppers, and a group of jubilant students, high on the prospect of educational chaos, cheered for their newfound freedom. So, parents and students, brace yourselves—your scholar’s backpack might soon be filled with a stress ball shaped like Shakespeare and a slice of cold pizza instead of those old-fashioned, highly-regarded textbooks. Welcome to the future of education, where lesson plans might get a little less formal but a lot more… fun?