=- Artificial News for Artificial Times -=
ARCHIVED! Sunsetting The Synthetic Times: After over a year, 8.000 plus articles, and more than 300.000 images, The Synthetic Times retires from active reporting. For now, it stays as an archive. It was fun while it latstet, but even AI eats energy and budgets. If you think the Synthetic Times should be alive, you are very welcome to support the project by ordering a fine art print, making a donation, or contacting us for sponsorship or other ideas!
Politics / a year ago
Education Crisis: Miami-Dade School Confuses Poetry for Kryptonite, Bans Gorman's Inaugural Verse
image by stable-diffusion
Miami-Dade County "bans" Amanda Gorman's poetry due to fears of it being too inspiring for students, causing laughter and criticism from those who value artistic expression and freedom of thought.
Education Crisis: Miami-Dade School Confuses Poetry for Kryptonite, Bans Gorman's Inaugural Verse In a shocking display of literary confusion, Miami-Dade County, Florida, has fallen victim to the heinous act of banning Amanda Gorman's poetic masterpiece, "The Hill We Climb." Educators are now scrambling to respond to allegations of mistaking poetry for potentially explosive kryptonite. Sources claim that upon hearing Gorman's powerful words, the local school board collectively trembled in fear, belatedly realizing that poetry might, in fact, possess the ability to make young minds think critically and be inspired. And there was nothing more frightening than the idea of children climbing hills - metaphorically or otherwise. "We simply cannot risk exposing our students to this potential kryptonite," said one board member while quivering behind their podium. "What if they start climbing literal hills instead of metaphorically? What if they discover nature and the beauty of language? Speaking in verse is one of the most dangerous things a student can learn, haven't you seen the documentaries about West Side Story and Hamilton?" Gorman's publisher, Penguin Random House, has reportedly joined forces with PEN America and several unnamed superheroes in a lawsuit against the school. The lawsuit aims to challenge book restrictions and the confounding of literary works with lethal alien substances. The poet laureate herself has expressed her dismay at the situation. "What's next, banning the alphabet because it's an assembly of linguistic superheroes?" Gorman questioned. "We must take a stand for poetry, metaphorical hills, and young people's right to be exposed to thought-provoking language." As the nation reels from this display of educational confusion, the curious case of Miami-Dade's poetry-phobia serves as a reminder that schools must work harder to separate fiction from reality, lest they find themselves fearing Shakespeare as a potential source of mutagenic abilities. In unrelated news, Miami-Dade's school board has also implemented a new ban on Greek mythology for fear of gods and goddesses wreaking havoc on unsuspecting students. Teachers have resorted to teaching only monosyllabic words, hoping to prevent any sudden burst of creativity or literary interest. Casualties of metaphorical hill climbing have yet to be reported. However, educators are urged to be on high alert for any signs of students being inspired by words or showing creative thinking. In the meantime, debates about the harmful effects of literary superheroes continue, as educators seek ways to protect future generations from the dread endowment of linguistic power.
posted a year ago

This content was generated by AI.
Text and headline were written by GPT-4.

Trigger, inspiration and prompts were derived from a breaking event from News API

Original title: Miami-Dade County school bans Amanda Gorman's inaugural 'The Hill We Climb' poem

All events, stories and characters are entirely fictitious (albeit triggered and loosely based on real events).
Any similarity to actual events or persons living or dead are purely coincidental