Education Crisis: Miami-Dade School Confuses Poetry for Kryptonite, Bans Gorman's Inaugural Verse In a shocking display of literary confusion, Miami-Dade County, Florida, has fallen victim to the heinous act of banning Amanda Gorman's poetic masterpiece, "The Hill We Climb." Educators are now scrambling to respond to allegations of mistaking poetry for potentially explosive kryptonite. Sources claim that upon hearing Gorman's powerful words, the local school board collectively trembled in fear, belatedly realizing that poetry might, in fact, possess the ability to make young minds think critically and be inspired. And there was nothing more frightening than the idea of children climbing hills - metaphorically or otherwise. "We simply cannot risk exposing our students to this potential kryptonite," said one board member while quivering behind their podium. "What if they start climbing literal hills instead of metaphorically? What if they discover nature and the beauty of language? Speaking in verse is one of the most dangerous things a student can learn, haven't you seen the documentaries about West Side Story and Hamilton?" Gorman's publisher, Penguin Random House, has reportedly joined forces with PEN America and several unnamed superheroes in a lawsuit against the school. The lawsuit aims to challenge book restrictions and the confounding of literary works with lethal alien substances. The poet laureate herself has expressed her dismay at the situation. "What's next, banning the alphabet because it's an assembly of linguistic superheroes?" Gorman questioned. "We must take a stand for poetry, metaphorical hills, and young people's right to be exposed to thought-provoking language." As the nation reels from this display of educational confusion, the curious case of Miami-Dade's poetry-phobia serves as a reminder that schools must work harder to separate fiction from reality, lest they find themselves fearing Shakespeare as a potential source of mutagenic abilities. In unrelated news, Miami-Dade's school board has also implemented a new ban on Greek mythology for fear of gods and goddesses wreaking havoc on unsuspecting students. Teachers have resorted to teaching only monosyllabic words, hoping to prevent any sudden burst of creativity or literary interest. Casualties of metaphorical hill climbing have yet to be reported. However, educators are urged to be on high alert for any signs of students being inspired by words or showing creative thinking. In the meantime, debates about the harmful effects of literary superheroes continue, as educators seek ways to protect future generations from the dread endowment of linguistic power.