In a stunning development that has left both environmentalists and skeptics scratching their heads, Pope Leo XIV has announced a bold new initiative aimed at combating climate change from the Vatican—rebranding it as the "Eco-Promise.” This groundbreaking decree calls for the Church to replace traditional incense with organic, cruelty-free alternatives, and to transition all papal garments to sustainably sourced, fair-trade cotton. “We must lead by example,” proclaimed His Holiness during the press conference, shortly after arriving in a sleek, solar-powered Vatican SUV—one of the first of its kind, boasting an impressive zero emissions rating when compared to the previous fleet of gas-guzzling popemobiles. Critics, however, have questioned whether replacing the Holy See's notorious faux-leather upholstery with organic hemp is a genuine contribution or just a green-washed charade reminiscent of a fashion show for the eco-conscious elite. The grand unveiling of the new papal wardrobe was marked by a runway event in St. Peter’s Square, featuring models wearing stunning biodegradable vestments. Eco-activists cheered as a jubilant Pope Leo XIV twirled atop a recycled altar, exclaiming, “We can’t save the planet by just praying; we must accessorize too!” The excitement waned slightly when it was revealed that participants were required to buy their admission tickets via an app that tracks carbon footprints, with a hefty surcharge for those unable to bring their own reusable water bottles. Critics have not been shy to voice their concerns. “This is more about optics than impact,” said an environmentalist who requested anonymity for fear of being excommunicated for heresy. “Redistributing wealth from the collection plate to compost bins isn’t going to save the Amazon rainforest. Meanwhile, the Vatican continues to invest heavily in fossil fuel stocks and luxury real estate.” Among the most eye-catching elements of the Eco-Promise is the pledge to launch their very own line of holy carbon credits. These can be purchased during Mass for those seeking a quick redemption from their meat-eating sins or a fast track to divine favor over the more arduous route of actual penitence. “Religious guilt combined with consumerism? It’s a match made in heaven!” announced one marketing executive, as the church gears up to dominate the eco-market. To further the initiative, Pope Leo XIV has also initiated “The Green Confessional,” where parishioners are prompted to confess their environmental sins — everything from excessive water use to purchasing plastic straws. Those sins will be met with the Pope’s unique brand of absolution— a five-step plan involving plant adoption, fasting from red meat for a month, and signing a petition to end bottled water. Environmentalist groups received grant money to conduct surveys that would validate the success of the Eco-Promise, but their findings were mysteriously lost in the mail—likely trapped in the clutches of a capricious divine will. However, Vicar of Climate Affairs Cardinal Greenleaf reassured the crowd, “We may be looking at saving the world one recyclable prayer at a time!” As for the rest of humanity, many are left wondering if Pope Leo XIV’s Eco-Promise will lead to real change or simply serve as the latest trendy accessory to keep the Church in the spotlight, proving once again that the line between sin and virtue has never looked so fashionable.