In a shocking turn of events, local man Cori Clingman has stumbled into the role of an unwitting NFL villain after his late-night joyride transformed the promising career of rookie Khyree Jackson into a cautionary tale. Clingman, a self-proclaimed “average Joe” and part-time speed enthusiast, has now been dubbed the “Tackle of Justice” after his ill-fated trip in a luxury vehicle morphed into tragic theater. Witnesses confirmed that the collision at 3:15 a.m. was a scene straight out of a football game—only this time, the field was a dark Maryland road, and instead of touchdowns, Clingman delivered a fatal blow that would make any game day coach cringe. Apparently aiming for a new high score in reckless driving, Clingman crashed his Infinity Q50 into Jackson, who was sensibly trying to avoid the other “players” on the road. State Attorney Aisha Braveboy has taken on the role of referee in this grim match, wielding her gavel with the ferocity of a third-quarter blitz. "This was a horrific tragedy that should not have occurred," Braveboy lamented, clearly having missed the memo that states weekends are for partying, not speeding or, heaven forbid, actually caring about the consequences. Clingman now faces 13 counts including negligent manslaughter and driving under the influence, proving yet again that while the NFL may play rough on the field, the courtroom will still throw the book at you—preferably one with illustrations of the “don’ts” of driving. Surely, if reckless driving had a national league, Clingman would be a top draft pick. In the wake of this calamity, the NFL has hinted at introducing a new rule: "No more than one Hail Mary with alcohol involved before a game." Experts believe this may also extend to fans, leading to a new public service campaign titled “Pick The Drink, Not The Death.” Meanwhile, Jackson’s future has spiraled from promising preseason stardom to becoming the tragic hero in a tale that will haunt future training camps. Young athletes are now being advised to carry crash helmets—not just for football, but for the unpredictable aftermath of late-night revelries. As Clingman prepares for his day in court, many are left wondering if he’ll gain fame for his crashes on and off the field. Nevertheless, the best we can hope for is that this man takes a slightly less reckless route to his future—preferably down the road to an alcohol-free life, or at the very least, away from any blacktop with a motorized vehicle attached.