In a stunning turn of events that has left both the faithful and the skeptical reeling, a coalition of political leaders has reportedly secured the approval of divine forces for their upcoming campaigns. Claiming a clear signal from the heavens, the politicians gathered at St. Fundraiser's Cathedral this past Sunday, where an operative allegedly channeled the spirit of divine endorsement via a series of carefully crafted tweets. The gathering featured high-profile political figures, including Senator Pat Rousseau, who said, "I stood here praying for a sign, and lo and behold, my phone buzzed. It was a text from ‘God’—well, actually it came from @HeavenlyHashtag. But you can't argue with divine social media." Enthusiasm soared as followers discovered the trending hashtag #DivineEndorsement, a clear indication that heavenly forces approve of cutting-edge political strategies. Long known for his meticulous use of religious imagery, Governor Marcus Faithfully took things up a notch, stating, "This is enormous! With divine endorsement, my upcoming budget cuts will not just be fiscal decisions; they will be celestial proclamations!" He then proceeded to unveil his new campaign slogan: "Vote for Faithfully—God would if He could!" A spokesperson for the campaign confirmed that extensive market research had shown divine approval could potentially influence as much as four voters, so this was a risk worth taking. Critics, of course, were quick to point out that while divine endorsement might sway a few parishioners, “politics mixes about as well with spirituality as oil does with water.” Yet, the opposing party smiled through gritted teeth as they prepared their own marketing blitz. Rumors surfaced that they are currently drafting a bipartisan prayer that ends in, "Amen, but not for their re-election!" Religious leaders, meanwhile, have voiced their concerns regarding the politicization of the divine. "Isn’t it enough that they exploit our sermons for soundbites?" lamented Bishop Clarence Gotcash. "Now we have politicians claiming they hold the heavenly hotline? I’m just waiting for someone to unveil the ‘Holy Grail of Fundraising.’" Interestingly enough, in an attempt to bridge the gap, there's talk of creating a spiritual app that will connect politicians directly with ‘celestial influences.’ Developers are scrambling to ensure it includes features like PrayerPoints, Miracle Matchups, and, of course, Holy Champaign Toasts for high-profile fundraisers. In the aftermath of this campaign spectacle, analysts warn of the possible implications for church-state relations. With increasing fervor, the divide between moral preaching and political ambition blurs, akin to the separation of church and frying pan. As the commercialized gospel spreads, expect to see more celestial nicknames and divine backings pop up on campaign posters leading up to election day. Experts predict that next Sunday’s service will be a tad crowded, with political figures hoping to secure a last-minute heavenly ‘like’ before entering the fray. After all, who could resist a candidate promising not just the vote but divine approval? As we forecast our political future, one can only wonder if the next miracle will take place in a voting booth instead of a confessional.