Title: How to Be Allergic to Exercise: A Guide to Perfecting Your Sedentary Lifestyle Welcome! If you’ve clicked on this article, there’s a good chance you’re tired of hearing about the benefits of exercise and want to embrace your natural inclination to remain firmly ensconced on your couch. Fear not! We’re here to help you navigate the intricate and often misunderstood world of becoming allergic to exercise. Step 1: Develop an Antennae for Activity Your first order of business is to cultivate a sixth sense that alerts you to any potential exercise threats. Feel a slight breeze from the open window? That’s exercise trying to sneak into your life. Hear the music from a neighbor’s workout class? Sound the alarm! Hang a “No Workouts Allowed” sign in your yard, and consider developing a personal safety protocol that includes loudly announcing your allergy to anyone who dares mention the "E-word." Step 2: Master the Art of Sedentary Snacking Exercise-averse folks know that snacking is an Olympic sport in itself. Stock your pantry with items that are the pinnacle of lounge-worthy nourishment. Chocolate bars, nachos, and potato chips are your best friends here. Remember to position them within arm’s reach of your favorite chair for easy access. To truly win at sedentary snacking, practice the fine technique of eating while scrolling through social media—no need for those pesky gym memberships when you’ve got an all-you-can-eat buffet right at home! Step 3: Optimize Your Comfort Zone Now that you’ve accepted your new lifestyle, it’s time to invest in the right equipment. A top-notch couch is paramount. It should have at least a 10-year warranty and enough cushions to create a literal fortress against the outside world. Pair your couch with a supportive blanket or two, as you never know when a spontaneous Netflix marathon might require extra coziness. Step 4: Create Your “Working Out” Playlist (of TV Shows) Traditional workout playlists are overrated. Instead, develop a robust selection of TV shows that are scientifically proven to distract you from any lingering desire to be active. Craft your perfect “working out” playlist comprised solely of how-to binge-worthy shows. “I Didn’t Work Out Again” should be the official title of your new favorite series! Step 5: Schedule Your Naps Like a Boss Who needs interval training when you have strategic naps? Perfecting the art of the midday snooze is key to maintaining peak performance in your sedentary lifestyle. Embrace the power of power naps, and don’t feel guilty for taking a “break” every hour or so. Turn your bed into a wellness retreat, and be sure to use blackout curtains to eliminate any potential exercise motivation brought in by sunlight. Step 6: Cultivate a Support Network of Like-Minded Individuals No one can successfully be allergic to exercise alone. Join clubs or online groups where members come together to share their experience with couch-sitting, discuss the latest must-watch shows, and trade snack recommendations. Remember, solidarity in sitting will empower your quest for maximum laziness. Step 7: Develop a Strong Stance Against Exercise Clichés You’ll encounter a host of well-meaning friends, family, and perhaps even a pet or two, suggesting you “get moving” or “try just a little workout.” Your best defense is a potent combination of eye-rolls and expert-level excuses. Deliver an impassioned monologue about how movement can disrupt personal zen and that the couch has, in fact, been scientifically proven to be your true calling. In conclusion, embrace your newfound lifestyle with open arms (preferably while lying down). Remember, being allergic to exercise isn't about giving up—it's about making a focused decision to thrive in your sanctuary of stillness. Celebrate your achievements in well-earned rest, and let the world know that fitness can wait. After all, the couch is calling, and you must answer!