In a shocking turn of events, world leaders have decided that the future of global diplomacy can no longer be confined to sterile conference rooms and tedious PowerPoint presentations. Instead, they gathered in Islamabad for a groundbreaking summit, aptly named “Desperate Diplomacy,” where the real power brokers would be caffeine and cookies, and not convoluted treaties or exhaustive negotiations. As delegates from around the globe convened in the lush gardens of the historic Faisal Mosque, they found themselves seated at long tables adorned with eclectic coffee blends and an array of meticulously curated pastries. “Nothing brings leaders together like the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the fear of being caught on a sugar high during a global crisis,” remarked one jaded diplomat pulling a double espresso shot to counteract last night’s lack of sleep. The concept was simple: brew hot coffee, serve it against a backdrop of destabilizing global issues, and watch unity unfold, even as cabinet members shivered in anxiety over cabinet conflicts and Twitter tirades back home. After all, who could argue while casually sipping a cappuccino garnished with sentiments of peace and economic cooperation? The first session, cleverly titled “Froth and Friction,” was interrupted by a media frenzy as leaders fumbled with milk frothers and accidentally spilled coffee on sensitive talking points. When the Prime Minister of Country X found an unanticipated blend of Ethiopian beans interesting enough to spark a discussion on climate change, the Minister of Country Y seized the moment to propose an immediate coalition—over chocolate croissants, of course. Midway through the event, as doughnuts were being passed around, tensions peaked with the highly anticipated “Sugar Rush Resolution” moment, when leaders would attempt to negotiate critical issues while simultaneously balancing sugary snacks on their laps. Alas, things took a heart-wrenching turn as a beloved blueberry muffin, symbolizing international collaboration, crumbled under the weight of a particularly heated debate on sanctions: the sugary metaphor exploding into crumbs littered all over the tablecloth of peace. Rumors spread that a clandestine group of advisors had been feeding leaders caffeine-laced brownies laced with “inspiration” in a bid to revive their flagging ambitions. Confusion reigned as a certain leader, fortified by an unexpected jolt of espresso, declared a “Global Donut Initiative,” promising to solve world hunger with a fleet of baked goods, much to the horror of aides left to explain the implications of transnational pastry distribution. As day wore on, hopeful hearts were repeatedly dashed as alliances wavered, conversations fizzled, and one distraught youth activist began an impromptu poetry reading about the futility of their endeavors, which was drowned out by the sound of a milk frother enthusiastically whizzing away in the background. The few moments of camaraderie were punctuated with awkward laughter and the bitter realization that no number of cookie platters would drown out the sound of disillusionment. By the time coffee cups ran dry and a collective existential crisis settled in, it became clear that the summit, despite its earnest efforts, had produced more discomfort than dialogue. A proposal for a second summit was briefly considered, but it was vetoed when a leader pointed out that the only thing they seemed to be good at brewing was rhetoric. As the sun set over Islamabad, world leaders left in pairs—grateful yet grieving the missed opportunities, the unresolved conflicts, and the three sugar cubes’ worth of optimism that one can only find at the bottom of an empty coffee cup. With their hearts as heavy as their bellies after feasting on too many petit fours, they trudged back to their capitals, where clashes brewing over cabinet conflicts awaited them like an uninvited, crazed barista, determined to keep the flames of despair alive in the name of democracy and diplomacy. In the end, the “Desperate Diplomacy” summit will be remembered not for its resolutions but rather for the countless coffee stains it left behind—a mark of laughter, failure, and greater challenges still to be faced.