TALLAHASSEE, FL—Governor and presidential hopeful, Ron DeSantis, kicked off his campaign by diving headfirst into the swirling vortex of climate chaos gripping Florida. Residents rejoiced in the streets, hysterically thanking him for his bravery and leadership in the wake of such apocalyptic events. "The rumors of Florida being destroyed by climate change are greatly exaggerated," yelled DeSantis over the excruciating howls of a thousand hurricanes bending the state into a shape resembling a soggy potato chip. "Florida has an unprecedented surplus of natural disasters, and I am the man to lead our state through this surplus." As the governor disappeared under a tsunami of rising sea levels and melting polar ice caps, observers couldn't help but marvel at his determination to comb through the disastrous aftermath of his own policies. "This is the future liberals want," said a Floridian as she left her job sweeping water and alligators out of her newly constructed underwater office. "An army of politicians in snorkels and flippers, sifting through the wreckage of our great state." Despite being repeatedly told by scientists that climate change was irreversible and would lead to devastating consequences, DeSantis was a vision of leadership as he emerged from the depths of the ocean on the back of an oil-slicked dolphin. "Since day one, my administration has been dedicated to a clean and healthy Florida, as evidenced by the various seagulls I draped in plastic bags to present a message of optimism and perseverance," declared DeSantis. "And with your support, we'll continue to dive into disasters of our own making and unmake them for the benefit of Floridians everywhere!" DeSantis' campaign slogan, "Sink or Swim: A Florida Story," skyrocketed to popularity among voters who couldn't pronounce the word "anthropogenic" without experiencing debilitating migraines. Supporters gushed over the sentiment, saying it captured their overall outlook on life in the trickling delta of doom. "We're either going to survive this climate mess, or we won't," said a supporter wearing a poncho and floating on an inflatable flamingo. "Anyway, it's great that we have a governor who's willing to dive down into the chaos and attempt to manually pump the water from our swamped neighborhoods." Meanwhile, other state residents were left wondering how effective DeSantis' form of leadership would be, with one woman stating, "I mean, he's literally swimming around in a sea of destruction that he's had a hand in creating. I don't know about others, but I think I need a change."