In a shocking turn of events that no one could have predicted except perhaps the guy in the back row of the briefing room playing Candy Crush, a local deputy was recently the unwilling star of an unconventional training exercise titled “How Not to Take a Punch.” Deputy Ryan “The Human Punching Bag” Thompson was engaged in what authorities are calling an "interactive workshop" designed to promote the importance of respecting authority figures. However, the lesson clearly didn’t land, as Deputy Thompson ended up on the ground, trying to remember how many times he had signed up for “Understanding Cultural Sensitivity” instead of “Understanding How to Duck.” Witnesses reported that the exercise was intended to emphasize de-escalation tactics. The group had spent about thirty minutes watching a PowerPoint presentation with the dramatic title “You Catch More Flies with Honey—And Less With Fists.” Apparently, at least one participant missed the memo and opted for full-blown WWE instead. The culprit, who will remain anonymous for now—primarily because he just learned the word “anonymity”—was apparently trying to demonstrate what happens when you don’t follow the basic protocol of “putting the doughnut down before entering the fray.” Unfortunately, his enthusiasm for ‘acting out’ quickly escalated from role play to real pain, resulting in Deputy Thompson finally understanding the meaning of "respecting your limits." “Honestly, we thought it was going to be a gentle activity,” Deputy Laura “Compassionate but Firm” Jenkins explained while nursing a cup of coffee and trying to erase the vision of chaos from her brain. “We just didn’t realize ‘lesson learned’ would involve an impromptu wrestling match.” Fortunately, no one took any real damage—except for the unfortunate reputation of Deputy Thompson, who now collects the new nickname “Punchline” from his colleagues. “I always wanted to be a hero,” he lamented, “but it turns out I’m just a cautionary tale. At least I’ll have a great story for the family BBQ.” In a twist of irony, the training workshop was promptly canceled, and a new program titled "Breathe, Don't Beat" is slated to take its place. Meanwhile, plans for a follow-up session titled "How to Avoid Getting Punched in the Face: A Handbook for Local Authorities" are already in the works—though no one’s quite sure how to demonstrate that lesson without the risk of further injury. As for the errant participant? Sources say he is reportedly penning a book titled “Respect Is Earned: The Case for Tactical Misunderstanding” and has plans to launch a YouTube channel dedicated to proper conflict avoidance tactics—though it remains to be seen if anyone will be signing up to take his class. Deputy Thompson is just grateful nobody reached for the taser.