In a dazzling display of bureaucratic absurdity, the annual Praise-a-Thon held at the Department of Overzealous Endorsements took attendees on a rollercoaster ride of nonsensical acclaim. This year’s star? Deputy Assistant to the Assistant Deputy, Gary Wigglesworth, whose ability to “delegate” and “facilitate” won him the prestigious "Most Uplifting Deputy" award. The event kicked off with a parade of cringe-worthy testimonials, each more extravagant than the last. Deputy Commissioner Linda Flapdoodle took to the podium while donning a sequined cape, proclaiming Wigglesworth as the "Shakespeare of Spreadsheet Management." Her praise crescendoed with the assertion that Wigglesworth "breathed life into quarterly financial reviews," which, as we all know, is like saying a microwave can breathe life into a frozen dinner. Not to be outdone, Director of Exaggerations Harold Pompous lauded Wigglesworth for his “groundbreaking approach to coffee procurement,” which was allegedly a game changer in inter-departmental relationships. "He doesn't just brew coffee; he brews camaraderie!" Pompous exclaimed, eliciting a collective groan from a crowd that was well aware the last batch had tasted suspiciously burnt. As the awards ceremony reached its climax, several attendees could be seen trying to choke down a mix of embarrassment and laughter at the extreme hyperbole being dished out. "He is not just a deputy; he is a deputy with panache!" cried one ecstatic subordinate, while another declared that Wigglesworth’s talent for passing the buck was “legendary.” The praise reached its peak when Commander Excellence, the department head known for her affinity for inflated accolades, took to the stage. “Gary is the reason we are a shining beacon of inefficiency in the realm of government operations! Without his admirable ability to arrange meetings that solve nothing, where would we be?” she jeered, as the audience erupted into three awkward claps—two hesitant and one fully committed. Despite the deteriorating nature of their physical surroundings, from tequila-fuelled team-building retreats to failed project debacles, the department basked in the afterglow of Wigglesworth’s “remarkable” prowess. In an ominous twist, the team decided to crown a new award in his honor: “The Gary Wigglesworth Award for Most Creative Avoidance of Real Work.” The first recipient? Undoubtedly, Wigglesworth himself. As the event wound down, and the echoes of hollow praise faded into the oppressive silence of reality, the crowd slowly drifted back to their cubicles. The lingering question remained: will the Deputy’s ludicrous endorsements march on unchallenged, or will someone eventually dare to drop the curtain on the charade? For now, the absurdity will continue to thrive in its own ridiculous echo chamber, with exuberant proclamations reverberating down the hallways of government inefficiency.