In an astonishing turn of events that has left both visitors and park rangers scratching their heads, Carlsbad Caverns recently found itself at the epicenter of a snack-based scandal. The serene silence of the majestic cave system was shattered when a particularly careless guest decided that the beauty of the Big Room was best complemented by a bag of Cheetos, which was subsequently abandoned like a sad offering to the snack gods. Witnesses reported seeing the bright orange bag gliding majestically across the cavern floor, a sight so jarring that even the resident bats reportedly paused mid-flight to assess the situation. “I thought I was dreaming,” said one bat. “I’ve seen a lot of weird things in this cave, but a bag of Cheetos? That’s a new low.” The National Park Service (NPS) responded to this snack attack with sweeping proclamations that echoed through the underground chambers: “Trash and plastic pollution are bad enough, but do you have any idea how that bag of Cheetos could disrupt the entire ecosystem?” they lamented, wielding their metaphorical pitchforks against the egregious snack crime. Environmental experts have weighed in, noting that a rogue bag of Cheetos threatens not just the aesthetic integrity of the caverns but could potentially put local wildlife on a path to addiction. “I can just imagine a family of bats, wings flapping in reckless abandon, all because they developed a taste for cheesy snacks,” said Dr. Flavor Wingman, a fictional ecologist specializing in cave dwellers’ diets. “Next thing you know, we'll have bats forming a Cheetos cartel, trafficking cheesy dust instead of insects!” The NPS went on to remind all guests that Carlsbad Caverns is not a landfill, nor is it a buffet. “Let us be clear: Cheetos belong in your home, preferably on your couch, not in the wilderness where they could lead to a Cheetos-induced apocalypse,” an official stated, presumably while fighting off visions of orange-powdered critters. Meanwhile, Cheetos fans have staged a peaceful protest at the caverns, touting signs that read “Save the Snack, Save the Bat!” and “Cheetos are Nature’s Crunch!” They argue that not only is the cheesy snack a staple, but it's also a crucial part of America’s luxury junk food culture. “Who cares about a few crumbs when we have a nationwide crisis of flavorlessness?” shouted one protestor as Cheetos dust clouded his airspace. In response to the incident, the park has announced a new initiative: the “Don’t Drop It, Pop It” campaign aimed at educating visitors on the dangers of leaving snacks behind. Park rangers are reportedly considering implementing a “snack tax” for any visitors found with chips, pretzels, or any other snack not deemed environmentally friendly. For now, the cavern rumbles under the weight of its secret – a bag of Cheetos lost, forgotten, but standing as a sentinel against thoughtless snacking. One can only hope that the reckless abandon of snack foods will not inspire more daring ventures — imagine the fallout of discovering a full pizza box abandoned on a ledge, or worse yet, a six-pack of soda unmanned! Until we can ensure the security of snacks and the sanctity of nature, it seems the Grand Snack of Cheetos may serve as a reminder of our responsibilities, even in the deepest recesses of the earth.