In a groundbreaking announcement, the prestigious Festival de Cannes has decided to award Robert De Niro with an honorary Palme d'Or, an honor that, according to insiders, will also include an all-access pass to the festival's free buffet, a lifetime supply of popcorn, and reserved seating in every cinema across the globe for as long as he continues to act. The ceremony will take place on May 13, precisely 14 years after De Niro triumphantly retired his tuxedo as President of the Cannes jury—an experience he describes as "like judging a dog show, but with less barking." This time around, the festival's organizers claim they will be rolling out the red carpet specifically designed to match De Niro's fashion sense: classy yet slightly confused. A long-time fixture at Cannes, De Niro's involvement dates back to 1976, when he notably starred in Bernardo Bertolucci's "1900," a cinematic masterpiece that some claim was only missing extensive scenes of De Niro drinking espresso while contemplating the meaning of life. Since then, De Niro has become synonymous with the event, having attended more festivals than some directors have films. Festival organizers have expressed hope that honoring De Niro will reinvigorate interest in the festival, which has seen a recent dip in ticket sales due to a surprising number of people realizing they can watch movies in the comfort of their own homes, without the guilt of pretending to enjoy avant-garde shorts. “This is not just a celebration of De Niro’s cinematic achievements,” said a spokesman for the festival. “It's also a strategic move to attract both a nostalgic crowd and people who have no idea who he is but think he looks cool on Instagram.” In honor of De Niro, the festival will also introduce a new award category: Best Remake of a Film Starring Robert De Niro. This move has sparked fierce debate among critics who argue that any remake featuring a De Niro character should automatically win, while others clamor for a separate award for films where De Niro plays himself, known as "The De Niro Award for Playing De Niro." Meanwhile, one thing is for certain: with De Niro honored at Cannes, next year’s festival will undoubtedly feature more selfie ops, an unexpected amount of questionable Italian food, and the chance for fans to answer the age-old question: “Is he really ‘that guy’ from ‘Taxi Driver’ or just some dude with a mustache?” And as always, the real winners will be the film critics who've prepared hours of material for their next reviews, fueled by yet another round of café au lait.