In a spectacular display of near-miss perfection, David Skinns, England's very own golf savant, came tantalizingly close to etching his name in the annals of golfing glory—only to watch a 9-foot putt roll by like a shy kid at a school dance. Instead of celebrating a magical 59, Skinns settled for a career-best and possibly the most bittersweet tournament-record 60 during the opening round of the Sanderson Farms Championship in Jackson, Miss. As Skinns made his way around the Country Club of Jackson, he managed to charm the pants off the back nine with a staggering six birdies. Rumor has it that wildlife outside the course gathered to witness his unprecedented ascendance, ready to declare him the next Tiger Woods—at least until the very end. The birdies during his round were so plentiful, he could’ve fed an entire flock, yet somehow they just weren’t enough to stave off the carnage of a near-perfect round. With breathtaking finesse, Skinns sank a lengthy 54-foot birdie putt at the par-3 seventh hole, sending shivers down the spines of his competitors, while simultaneously sending the crowd into gales of laughter as they thought, “Surely, this is the moment he breaks 60!” As he then approached the par-4 eighth hole, Skinns deftly landed his second shot a mere 2 feet from the cup, setting him up for what seemed to be a glorious 12th birdie. The crowd held its collective breath, the birds stopped chirping, and squirrels in the trees paused mid-nut munch to witness history in the making. But fate, as per usual, had other plans. Standing over the 9-foot putt that would’ve secured a spot in golf’s elite club of sub-60 shooters, Skinns suddenly found himself combating demons that surely rivaled those in a low-budget horror film. He missed, sending his dreams spiraling into the abyss while simultaneously eliciting a chorus of gasps and chuckles from the crowd, accompanied by the distant echo of a 9-iron. “The thrill of coming so close is, uh, thrilling?” Skinns remarked post round. “I’ve never felt so alive yet so dead inside at the same time. I might have broken a record, but I’ve surely broken my heart as well.” The Sanderson Farms Championship organizers are reportedly discussing possibly offering Skinns therapy sessions along with the trophy for his heartbreak. Meanwhile, the golfing world remains divided: some hail Skinns' performance as a display of extraordinary skill while others simply can’t stop giggling about the near-miss, already crafting memes and gifs dedicated to the sport's latest tragicomic hero. With 60 on the scorecard and 59 haunting his dreams, Skinns now prepares to navigate the remaining rounds, where he’ll almost certainly continue to excel only to flirt with disaster, ensuring that he remains golf’s ultimate antihero—master of approach shots, yet arch-nemesis of mildly difficult putts. Unofficial club motto: “So close, yet so far!” In the meantime, expect a wave of disgruntled gophers in Jackson, who are reportedly demanding better aim from their favorite golfer.