In an extraordinary show of memory recall, the Dallas Police Department (DPD) lately came to the startling realization that it is, in fact, their job to investigate unexplained incidents within the county. This case of collective amnesia had left the department looking like cats studying calculus for the past few weeks. The unexpected revelation came in the wake of a series of bizarre activities that have bewitched the city, including an inexplicable influx of flamingo lawn decorations, sudden power outages in broad daylight, and the mysterious fainting of ten yoga instructors during downward dog on the same day. Despite the increasingly notable oddities, the department initially seemed flummoxed with how to proceed. The breakthrough came when Officer Dewey, seemingly inspired, announced, “Hey guys, didn’t we used to investigate this stuff?". Stunned expressions of enlightenment graced the faces of DPD officers, as they began to remember a long-forgotten concept known as 'police work'. “Of course, we knew it was weird when Pepito’s Taco Stand reported that guacamole had turned purple,” said one officer. “But we were too busy fixing the coffee machine. Trust me, that is one tricky piece of equipment.” DPD’s temporary incapacity had left the residents of Dallas to tackle the conundrums themselves. An unlikely vigilante group, the Silver-Haired Sherlock Brigade, emerged. Composed of retirees from the Dallas Bridge Club and Canasta Social, the brigade took on investigations, armed with magnifying glasses and wisdom from solving countless cozy mystery novels and late-night true crime shows. Now with DPD back in the game, things are expected to return to normal. The department has begun rigorous training, starting with basic investigative skills such as 'how not to lose your badge for the fifth time', 'proper use of the detective magnifying glass', and 'understanding the difference between an espresso machine and a lie detector'. Despite this increase in activity, some Dallasites prefer the Silver-Haired Sherlock Brigade for more personal touch. One Dallas citizen remarked, “Well, they remember your name, your dog’s favorite snack, and even remind you about your upcoming dentist appointment. It's kind of nice.” When asked if they felt relieved now that the DPD is taking over, bridge club president and ad hoc detective, Edna Potts, responded, “Well, it was rather exciting, but my peonies are suffering, so it might be for the best.” We’re all pulling for your peonies, Edna. In what could almost be mistaken for efficiency, DPD has pledged to unravel the city’s unknown happenings post-haste. As the people of Dallas, the Silver-Haired Sherlock Brigade, and the purpled guacamole look on, one question remains: can the DPD master detective work before needing a reminder on how to wear a police cap? Only time will tell.