In a stunning display of the ceremonial powers that come with the presidency, Croatia's Zoran Milanovic has secured a second term in office, proving that even a figurehead can own a trophy case full of victories. As exit polls revealed his overwhelming majority against the ruling conservative party's candidate, one has to wonder: how does one turn a position largely based on waving from balconies and cutting ribbons into a medal-worthy performance? "Milanovic's presidency has shown us that if you put in the hours of posing for photographs and attending slightly boring events, people will love you," commented an unnamed political analyst while adjusting their bowtie and looking wistfully at their own empty trophy shelf. "Who knew that wearing a chain of office could be so effective?" The vast powers of ceremonial gestures and light bureaucracy were not lost on the electorate, who apparently value Milanovic's ability to smile widely and occasionally appear human as much as they do traditional political prowess. His campaign slogan, “More Ceremonies, Less Responsibilities,” clearly struck a chord with voters who are looking for less drama and more flags. Meanwhile, the defeated conservative candidate was last seen attempting to get a refund on their campaign expenses, which apparently included an extravagant amount of balloons, confetti, and the world’s largest promoter of ‘Better Political Choices’ signs. In a last-ditch effort to revitalize their campaign, the candidate even considered learning how to juggle, a skill Milanovic has perfected in the meantime. Political pundits are also praising Milanovic's groundbreaking strategy of doing absolutely nothing controversial in a country that thrives on political drama. “It’s truly a marvel. He managed to avoid taking a firm stance on almost everything,” said a local commentator who spends their weekends collecting stamps of politicians making non-committal gestures. “Milanovic’s leadership style can be summed up as ‘stay in your lane and keep the flags flying.’” As Croatia prepares to endure another four years under the ceremonial kingdom of Milanovic, citizens are reportedly planning to hold workshops on how to respond to the question: “So, what does the president actually do?” Answers are expected to range from “make parties look good” to “hasten the delivery of donuts at state events.” In a culmination of his ceremonial achievements, Milanovic plans to celebrate his victory by hosting a lavish ball featuring a completely ceremonial buffet where each item is intricately arranged but not meant to be eaten. History books will surely remember this moment as one where the true art of doing just enough was mastered—a lesson for anyone looking to excel in the field of ceremonial prowess.