In a shocking revelation that has left boardrooms reeling, Jake Bottoms, a certified mediation guru, recently saved yet another failing corporate partnership, only to find his own company crumbling around him. The expert conflict resolver, known for his unparalleled ability to mend even the most fractured relationships, is now facing a bitter irony: in the pursuit of saving corporate love, he neglected his own company’s profitability. "No matter how much I fought for their happiness, it was my own company that lay neglected, like a best friend who always gets ditched for a hot date," Bottoms lamented in a press conference that somehow felt both cathartic and sad, all while his colleagues fidgeted nervously, wringing their hands like children on Christmas Eve without a present in sight. According to sources close to the matter, Bottoms spent an entire year mediating a particularly contentious feud between two companies — Acme Inc. and Beta Corp. He deftly sidestepped accusations, navigated complex negotiations, and even organized wellness retreats complete with yoga and organic kale smoothies. Their eventual partnership, dubbed "Team AcBeta," was heralded as a "harmonious match made in revenue heaven." However, as the two entities flourished, Bottoms' own company, Mediation Magic, was left to rot like a forgotten salad in the back of the fridge. Colleagues described Bottoms as an "emotional support human" who seemed channel his boundless energy into saving corporate marriages while ignoring the distress signals from his own team. "Jake could talk a tiger out of a bad mood, but couldn't negotiate a better coffee budget for us," lamented one department head, secretly brainstorming an exit strategy as they browsed job listings while pretending to be engrossed in a PowerPoint presentation. As Mediation Magic plunged into financial dire straits, Bottoms remained blissfully unaware, endlessly patting himself on the back for his work at AcBeta. “I can’t help it! I just love helping people! Conflict is my therapy!" he exclaimed, adding, “Who knew financial reports could be so unromantic?” It wasn't long before the inevitable happened. Creditors began circling like vultures, layoffs were imminent, and Bottoms found himself sleeping in the office amidst stacks of unpaid invoices and overdue supply orders. His emotional supermarket of feel-good mediation techniques failed to stock the one aisle that offered the comfort of financial stability. "He’s great at guiding others through their emotional crises, but all he could offer us was a hug,” stated a despondent employee, whose job title was about to become “last one out, please turn off the lights.” In a final attempt to save his beleaguered company, Bottoms scheduled a “Team Empowerment Session,” replete with trust falls and group hugs. Unfortunately, this left employees empowered to update their resumes and head for the exit rather than collaborate on new revenue streams. As of press time, Bottoms had scheduled an emergency mediation session for himself, desperately hoping to resolve the growing conflict between “my passion for helping others” and “the mounting stress of impending bankruptcy.” Mediation Magic has since filed for Chapter 11 protection—ironically the same section dedicated to preserving company relationships on the verge of collapse. “In the end, we learned an important lesson,” Bottoms sighed. “Sometimes saving love means you lose the business. But hey, at least I’m really good at making people feel better while their careers go up in flames.” In a tale that serves as a cautionary reminder for workplace harmony enthusiasts everywhere, the only relationships on the line now involve a series of very awkward conversations with creditors all while trying to keep a brave face for future group mediation sessions—emotional baggage included.