In a shocking revelation that has left the business community reeling, a local startup known for its innovative approach to “disrupting the disruption” has officially incorporated conflict into its business plan. The company, aptly named "Bicker & Co.," has announced that they not only expect office squabbles but have also predicted them as a revenue stream. CEO Max Overdrive, a man whose resume boasts an impressive collection of failed projects and family feuds, proudly declared at a recent press conference, “Why tiptoe around issues when you can wade through them knee-deep in drama?” Overdrive’s vision of a workplace where arguments are not only encouraged but monetized has struck a chord with investors hungry for something "different," even if that difference includes the chance of a chair being thrown in a quarterly meeting. According to the business model—dubbed “Conflict as a Service” (CaaS)—employees will be scored based on their ability to engage in heated debates and fierce disputes. Points will be awarded for creativity in insults, the length of time it takes for someone to storm out of a meeting, and the use of PowerPoint slides that include at least one Canva-generated meme. The top “conflict performers” will even be recognized at an annual awards ceremony known as the “Bicker Oscars,” where categories include Best Dramatic Exit and Most Over-the-Top Meltdown. At the heart of the plan is the recruitment of a “Chief Conflict Officer,” a new executive position designed to foster a culture of disaster. The role is filled by Barbara Blowup, a former middle school gym teacher and self-proclaimed expert in “people screaming at each other over dodgeball.” Blowup explained, “We want to redefine team building. Why engage in trust falls when you can actively tear down what little trust remains in the office?” The introduction of this conflict-centric business model has led to some unintended, yet hilariously predictable, consequences. Employees have started to spend more time preparing for verbal showdowns than doing their actual work. The IT department — self-designated as the “Office Diplomats” — has begun offering free mediation sessions, much to the delight of their overwhelmed therapist, who has recently adopted a “day-drinking” policy. Meanwhile, the marketing department is having a field day promoting the outrageous new culture. “Unravel Your Potential" is their catchy new slogan, featuring a logo depicting a tangled ball of yarn — or is it a representation of the employees’ hair after surviving another intense debate? Either way, it’s brilliant branding, and investor pitches are flying off the shelves. Not everyone, however, is happy with the newfound emphasis on conflict. Some employees have expressed their concerns about the chaotic atmosphere, leading Bicker & Co. to implement a new “Whining Hour,” where complaints can be aired without fear of immediate retaliation. Unfortunately, that has devolved into employees competing to have the most dramatic grievances, resulting in piles of tissue boxes being ordered for the conference room. In light of this innovative conflict-driven model, industry experts are watching with keen interest, raising the question: will other companies follow suit and start including chaos in their business plans? As for Bicker & Co., they remain optimistic, stating, “We’re all about the bottom line… and the bottom line is that sometimes the messier you are, the more fun you have!” And thus, in the world of corporate chaos, Bicker & Co. proves that while you can’t please everyone, you can definitely start an argument with anyone!