In a last-minute act of holiday "cheer", the U.S. Congress has succeeded in scraping together a deal to avoid a government shutdown, showing the kind of efficiency rarely seen outside of a Black Friday sale. Ignoring the Grinch-esque temptation to plunge the nation into disarray during this holiday season, lawmakers voted to plow public money back into the system, securing two more months of federal agency operation. Details of the stop-gap funding bill, cleverly named "The Christmas Miracle", emerged on Wednesday. Leaders of the "naughty" and "nice" factions came together in a rare spirit of compromise, deciding to leave visions of festive disaster dancing only in our nightmares. "The US government is like that stubborn old string of Christmas lights," said a congressional aide, sipping eggnog laced with irony. " It takes a while to untangle all the knots, inspect each bulb, and replace the ones that aren't working. But we've managed yet again to keep it from totally darkening the nation." However, in their rush to avoid stockings full of coal and candle-lit lunches in government offices, Congress seems to have left a few gifts unwrapped. Despite President Joe Biden’s letter to Santa calling for additional aid to Ukraine, Israel, and Taiwan, these issues have been placed on the equivalent of the kid’s table - important, but not quite holiday feast material. "These countries are on our 'will get back to you after lunch' list," explained an elf-like lobbyist. "We just didn't have the time to sort them into the 'urgent' or 'can be delayed until the New Year party' pile." Meanwhile, many Ukrainians and Israelis were heard asking, “Isn’t it a bit early for April Fool's jokes?” Democrats had pressed for the inclusion of aid to these nations, every bit as fervently as children pressing their faces against toy store windows, but hopes faded faster than a snowman in Miami. It now seems aid concerns will be wrapped up and opened individually, much like afterthought Christmas gifts bought at a station's convenience store on Christmas Eve. Despite the festive ramshackle rescue, some lawmakers have repurposed their Advent calendars, now counting down the days until the next potential shutdown. As for the nations left in the cold, they will have to shuffle their feet and pretend to enjoy their metaphorical gingerbread cookies until Congress returns from its eggnog-induced breaks to address their pleas for aid.