In an unprecedented twist, Conan O'Brien opened the Oscars with a breathtaking display of absurdity that left both Hollywood elites and viewers at home questioning their life choices. Emerging from the back of Demi Moore in a comedic pre-taped sketch, O'Brien apparently took method acting to a level previously thought impossible, digging into her “spine cavern” to locate what he humorously dubbed “the lost shoe of dignity.” His monologue took a sharp turn into hilarity when he addressed the nominees, deftly roasting the likes of “The Brutalist,” a film some claimed was longer than the average American’s attention span. “Two hours into this movie,” O’Brien quipped, “I started to hallucinate that I was the director's lost sense of humor.” The audience erupted as he dove into a list of the film's merits, which mostly consisted of “colors” and “talking.” Then, O'Brien's sharp wit turned its gaze toward the stars, particularly Karla Sofia Gascón, who stars in “Emilia Pérez.” With a raised eyebrow and a tone dripping with sarcasm, he addressed Gascón's recent social media faux pas. “Let’s give it up for Karla, proving that even in the world of glittering celebrities, your online footprint can be just as offensive as your last haircut,” he chuckled, eliciting laughter amidst gasps from the crowd, who instinctively leaned closer to their organic vegan hors d'oeuvres. As O'Brien introduced each category with a deft blend of self-deprecation and biting commentary, he reminded his audience that the Oscars aren’t just about awards—they’re a chance for legendary actors to remind the world that they can still pretend to be something they’re not. “Just remember, folks,” O’Brien said, staring into the camera with mock seriousness, “somewhere out there, a producer is waiting to cast a white guy who’s never made a good film in a role that explores the inner life of a raccoon. We’re making history here!” The evening continued in a raucous tone, with O’Brien's style leading to speculation that perhaps, just perhaps, Hollywood's collective laugh might be its greatest achievement yet. By the end of the night, people left not only with awards but with an overwhelming sense of relief—at least they weren’t Conan O’Brien’s shoe.