In a bold move reminiscent of a runaway fashion trend, companies across the United States have decided to revamp their wardrobes by ditching diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives like last season's pastel sweaters. From tech giants to retail titans, it appears fashion statements of a different kind are taking center stage as corporate America embraces a decidedly monochrome aesthetic in response to the whims of political change. "Who needs a rainbow when you can have fifty shades of beige?" mused a spokesperson for Target as they auctioned off their DEI programs to the highest bidder, claiming that “being inclusive was so last year.” Google echoed this sentiment, announcing that they would be rolling out an 'All White Everything' initiative, ensuring their boardrooms reflect not just diversity in ideas, but a much narrower shade spectrum instead. The shift, apparently, is all thanks to former President Donald Trump's executive orders that came with the subtlety of a wrecking ball. With his directive aiming to curb "race and sex stereotyping" within federal and private sectors alike, businesses felt empowered to take swift action—like throwing open their windows and letting the stale air of homogeneity flood their beautifully curated offices. “Why bother with complicated hiring practices and diverse talent pools?” asked an anonymous CEO, who preferred to remain in the shadows. “With a wave of a pen, we can streamline our talent acquisition process and embrace a workforce that harmonizes beautifully with our corporate logos. It’s brilliant! We’ll save so much money on sensitivity training and have more budget for questionable snacks in the break room.” Opponents of DEI initiatives have been partying like it’s 1959, rallying in the streets, waving signs that read, “Less diversity, more unity!” and “Inclusion is overrated!” Corporate suits have been quick to respond, as many organizations have already laid off Chief Diversity Officers at record speeds, citing ‘budget cuts’ in favor of allocating funds to ‘mildly offensive’ themed office decorations. The simplistic approach to human resources is capturing attention for all the wrong reasons, as critics shake their heads at the backwards momentum. “In a time when the world is screaming for representation and understanding, we’ve decided to do the opposite,” said a bewildered online commenter. “Maybe next we can host corporate retreats where we all wear blindfolds; that way, we can really maximize our ignorance!” As the disheartened remnants of progressive company culture continue to be swept away, experts predict the next big trend in corporate vibes is going to be 1950s corporate camaraderie, such as “Casual Racism Fridays” and “Segregation Symposiums.” In this new world of corporate conformity, stakeholders are left to wonder: will there be space for creativity and diverse perspectives if everyone’s wearing the same corporate-approved outfit? As one company’s tagline now proudly states, “We are all the same, and that’s what makes us unique!” Truly, in this era of fierce conformity, the only direction left is forward—right into a fashionably bland future.