In a shocking turn of events, the United States Coast Guard has decided to expand its horizons beyond the coastal waters of its own country, embarking on a mission to Pakistan not for maritime emergencies, but to deliver life jackets and an ample supply of humor. The initiative, hilariously dubbed “Operation Floaty and Funny,” aims to equip Pakistanis with life jackets for what officials described as “the impending rise of international watersports,” a phenomenon they assured would become relevant any day now. Army surplus life jackets, already heavily criticized for being slightly reminiscent of 1980s neon fashion, are being airlifted into towns known for their lack of water so that locals can embrace the joys of “not sinking” during hypothetical water escapades. “Laughter is universal, just like the fear of drowning,” stated Rear Admiral Chuck LeGiggle. “We believe that if we can make them laugh whilst also preventing any potential water-related tragedies, we’re fulfilling our duty as guardians of the coast — even if that coast is several thousand miles away!” The Coast Guard’s commitment to humor touches every aspect of Operation Floaty and Funny. Specially trained comedians — or as they prefer to be called, “floatertainers” — have been dispatched alongside the life jackets to ensure that when locals put on their bright, puffy gear, they are also treated to an endless supply of dad jokes and puns about the ocean. “Why did the life jacket bring a towel to the party? Because it wanted to be ‘soak-sational’!” they enter when audiences are slow to engage. This initiative comes on the heels of recent rumors that the Coast Guard was exploring other territories to hilariously safeguard — such as solid land, where they planned to distribute shin guards and knee pads for “land-walking safety.” The spokesman for the Coast Guard briefly touched on future plans: “We’re also considering distributing parachutes to regions known for grilling events, just in case someone’s karaoke rendition of ‘I Will Survive’ causes an emotional crash.” Some Pakistanis greeted the news with enthusiasm, especially in regions along the Indus River, which, while not an ocean, does see its fair share of aquatic activity. “It’s a little strange,” noted local fisherman Rahim, “but if I get a life jacket and a good laugh from someone who thinks they can float all the way from America to here, then why not? I mean, what are the chances? This is either a great gift or a really bad stand-up set.” While most are relieved to find themselves on the delivery route of an international adventure, others were slightly less impressed. “What kind of comedy does the Coast Guard bring? I expect bittersweet, existential water-themed humor, not this slapstick nonsense,” complained local philosopher Sadia Syed, pondering the deeper implications of inflatable buoyancy during life’s metaphorical floods. In local communities, life jacket fittings have devolved into fashion shows, with self-styled “float fashionistas” competing to see who can make the most absurd outfit out of the flotation devices. “Best life jacket: check! Now, I just need to add a matching sun hat — safety first, fashion second!” exclaimed Malik, who was, unfortunately, unaware that the hats were not part of the package. As news of Operation Floaty and Funny spreads, it remains to be seen whether the Coast Guard will pivot to providing other maritime safety gear or take their comedy tour on the road. For now, the people of Pakistan await not only life jackets but also the next joke about how to avoid sinking — whether metaphorically or literally — in the ocean of life. After all, when it comes to saving lives, a little laughter might just be the best flotation device of all!