LONDON - In an outcome that no doubt confounded Rainforest Rescue's most optimistic Theta healing crystal projections, the merciless preachers of doom known as climate change activists walked free after a climactic drama that was nothing short of a social justice panto. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the defenders of Mother Earth, the martyrs of Greta Thunberg's crusade, were acquitted after their high-stakes stunt on the once pristine marble steps of HSBC’s London HQ. It was an unseasonably warm day in April when these eco warriors, presumably fuelled by quinoa power bars and righteous indignation, launched their assault on HSBC. Armed with enough paint to give Banksy an existential crisis, they showcased their abstract renditions of "Penguins in peril" on HSBC's gleaming façade, the artistic icing on their climate protest cake. The facility, which was regularly polished by HSBC's little army of cleaning Myrmidons to a shine that could blind a bat, was mercilessly besieged by slogans like, "The icebergs are melting" and "HSBC, climate catastrophe's BFF". Just last week, the anticipated court drama unfolded. With their sustainably-harvested hemp suits and an aura of organic superiority, the climate activists entered the courtroom. Their defense? Not the usual rant about capitalist oligarchs or the end of the world. Instead, they took a leaf out of every rebellious teenager’s playbook by masterfully weaponising the words "Had to make a statement!" Lo and behold, the jury, possibly worried about their carbon footprints or the idea of Greta Thunberg frowning at them, bought it. In an unprecedented move, the eco-activists were acquitted, showing us that the British justice system does indeed have a soft spot for Banksy-wannabes with a climate agenda. Now, as the unexpected verdict rings through the city and the dazed cleaning staff pick up their power washers, one question remains. What’s next for our climate-conscious vandals? Galactic graffiti to inform extraterrestrials about our impending doom? The suspense is unbearable. Meanwhile, at HSBC, executives are rumoured to be in a frenzy, not over their financing of fossil fuel companies, or their involvement in deforestation, but on deciding whether the colour 'climate catastrophe crimson' should be part of their next seasonal branding scheme. The moral of the story, it seems, is if you want to vandalise a multi-billion dollar corporation’s headquarters, ensure you keep your climate activism badge polished and visible. After all, justice isn’t blind, it just seems to squint a bit when it comes to the global warming message.