As the leaves begin to turn in Pennsylvania, a different kind of green is emerging this election season—money, largely from fossil fuel lobbyists eager to see their candidates take center stage in the climate change debate. With Senate candidates gearing up for the big showdown, environmentalists and citizens alike are left wondering: will these politicians even crack a textbook, let alone something resembling the truth about climate science? To help sift through the smog of half-truths and dubious statements, we've compiled a list of seven loaded questions that will surely leave candidates dodging like they’re in an Olympic fencing match. 1. "Do you believe in climate science, or is that just your way of saying 'I’m more of a gas kind of guy'?" This question will test their loyalties: are they swayed by scientific consensus or simply waiting for the next fracking permit to roll in? 2. "If elected, will you commit to attending one mandatory science class or just stick to your spin doctor’s PowerPoint presentations?" We suspect most candidates prefer to keep their learning to the level of Instagram influencers since actual science has become about as popular as a root canal at a dinner party. 3. "How do you reconcile supporting renewable energy while simultaneously inviting coal barons to your fundraising dinners?" Fair warning: this question is designed to make them squirm more than a rat at a cat convention, shedding light on the bittersweet love affair between politicians and their corporate sponsors. 4. "What’s your stance on the Green New Deal? Is it still ‘too radical’ or does it just not fit into your next campaign's theme?" Look for candidates to tiptoe around this one like a high schooler trying to navigate a crowded hall after lunch. 5. "Can you explain the difference between weather and climate, or would that be a ‘too-long-didn't-read’ situation for you?" Because nothing says ‘qualified senator’ like using weather patterns as a defense against climate change—cue the eye rolls. 6. "If I told you that sea levels are rising, would you blame it on a bad season for the Philadelphia Eagles?" At this point, personal accountability is about as rare as a snow day in July, and we’re just curious how they’d wriggle out of a scientific discussion by relying on fan allegiances. 7. "Will you pledge to leave fossil fuels in the past or just throw a going-away party with balloons and cow emissions?" We’re hoping for candor here, but we suspect the party favors may include excuses about job losses and the ever-popular ‘but what about the economy?’ While candidates trot out environmental slogans and don plaid shirts to blend in with the local crowd, the true test will be their ability to answer these loaded questions with a smidge of integrity and a dash of humility. As the debates roll on, remember: no matter what they say, it all comes down to those heavy-duty campaign dollars—and whether they’re bought by benevolent greenies or the energy industry’s finest is anyone’s guess. So buckle up, Pennsylvania; it’s going to be a bumpy ride through the carnival of campaign promises!