In a feisty fracas known better as the Ohioan Showdown, Cincinnati and Columbus citizens are preparing to cheer on their respective cities in a faceoff that’s about as spicy as a bowl of five-alarm chili. That’s right, y’all, it’s Buckeye battle time! The city of Cincinnati, weary of playing baby brother to Columbus, has decided to challenge Columbus to a statewide jamboree competition in an effort to determine which city reigns supreme in the ‘Buckeye Battle’. When asked to comment, a Cincinnati representative said, “We may not house the state capital or the largest university, but we’ll be darned if we don’t put up a good fight.” One can wager a bet that they’re not referring to a literal brawl—given that Buckeyes are not known primarily for their acumen in the ring—but a jamboree of various activities sure to draw just as much, if not more, blood. The suggestion is more along the lines of a tug-of-war, pie-eating contests, sky lantern festival and even a race up a building in downtown Columbus bearing a selfie stick aloft to snap a pic with the Statehouse behind them. Riveting! Columbus, proudly flaunting its status as the seat of state power and home of Ohio State University, is not miffed. When asked for comments, Columbus representative shrugged and said, “Does Cincinnati even have anything worthy of a visit other its chili? It’s Cincinnati, what are they gonna do, toss us to death with Skyline chili? We’re prepared.” The Cincinnati vs Columbus rivalry has indeed been noted in the past for its dash of absurdity and high stakes. Maybe it’s the chili-induced hallucinations or the yearly floods of sunscreen slathered students confessing an undying love for OSU, but somehow these two major Ohio cities have turned into a kind of eccentric, in-state Hatfields and McCoys. As tension mounts in the Buckeye State, with both cities preparing to flex their muscles (or spoonfuls of chili), it's clear that the Ohioan Showdown promises to be an unforgettable spectacle. With a blend of mind-bending competition, ribbing rivalries and excessive use of absurdly over-sized foam fingers, one thing's for sure - it's going to be hilarious! The auditor at an inordinately small chili booth expressed it perfectly when asked about the statewide hoopla, “Are those folks losing their minds? Probably. But in Ohio, y'know, we'd lose it over which cornfield grows cornier corn or whose cows moo loudest. It's just good, clean, Midwest fun!" That it is, Ohio. May the best city win and remember, if all else fails, you can always deal with the defeat by drowning your sorrows in chili.