Business / 5 days ago
Chipmaker Nvidia Gracefully Rides the AI Wave While Silicon Valley Holds its Breath and Surfers Weep
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Nvidia's AI-focused chips are propelling the company to stratospheric heights, leaving Silicon Valley's prophets and surfers alike awestruck. As the chipmaker's sales continue to soar, experts predict traditional revenue streams could soon be left in the dust.
Nvidia Corp, Silicon Valley's most esteemed soothsayer and chip whisperer, has effortlessly predicted its third-quarter fortunes, leaving local business soothsayers in disarray and surfers sobbing into their wetsuits. According to a statement from the Santa Clara-based oracle, sales for the quarter ending July will reach a staggering $11 billion, meaning it will outsell traditional revenue chart-toppers Nutella, macadamia nuts, and cashew butter combined.
Elsewhere, local arm-waving futurologists who failed to foresee Nvidia's phenomenal success have been forced to downgrade their own models from "giving it a good go" to "hoping for the best." Meanwhile, the ever-lovable surfers of Northern California have been inconsolable, saddened by the news that Nvidia's money-printing machine scored higher on the Bechdel test than "Feel Surf Good Time II."
Nvidia's meteoric ascent to the celestial spheres is buoyed by the healthy demand for conduits for artificial intelligence. Local experts predict that while chip makers like Nvidia are slowly but surely sliding to the upper echelons of the chip party, French onion dip may have had its day and queso could soon find itself bobbing helplessly in a sea of silicon.
Dominic Tarpey, a reformed futurologist currently selling milk on Castro St, spoke to our reporters: "Our readings predicted that AI chips would supplement taco Tuesday, but we're now seeing signs that they could replace all seven days of the traditional workweek."
As Nvidia bathes in accolades and a fountain of digital chips, Silicon Valley's meteorologists are staying up binging on sleepless nights, wondering if their forecasters are simply missing something or if Nvidia is, in fact, rewriting the digital clouds.
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Original title: Nvidia's Rosy Forecast Shows Chipmaker Benefiting From AI Boom
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