Headline: Global Couch Potato Crisis Imminent Amid Line-up of Must-see TV and Events Breaking news from the National Couch Potato Association (NCPA): A severe global couch potato crisis is upon us, with a series of highly-anticipated television finales, movie streaming releases, and even new music and video games set to hit screens around the world. We urge everyone to cancel all plans, stock up on snacks, and enter full couch potato mode immediately. The NCPA spokesperson, Mr. Laz E. Day-Soff, states, "While it may have been reasonably safe to venture outside occasionally and engage in activities like meeting friends and family, this week we strongly recommend against such hazardous behavior." The Associated Press' entertainment journalists have relayed the potential severity of the impending line-up, including the Sunday finale of "Succession," leaving many in a state of anxiety as they try to binge-watch the Roy family drama before spoilers emerge from friends and the internet. Contributing to the potential potato catastrophe, the latest "John Wick" movie has arrived on streaming devices, causing local grocery stores to struggle to keep up with the demand for popcorn and microwavable pizza. Late 90s music and nostalgia fans are also risk, as Matchbox Twenty releases their first new music in a soul-punching 10 years, causing old CD collections to be scoured for worn copies of "Yourself or Someone Like You." Children of the 90s are advised to remain calm – this is certainly not the world’s end. Maybe. The crisis is further aggravated by a video game that allows players to immerse themselves in Middle-earth, causing an unprecedented peak in sales of elf ear tips and hobbit-themed pajamas. In light of these dire conditions, we recommend the general public take immediate measures to prevent an outbreak of extreme FOMO. To combat this devastating affliction, please follow these simple instructions: prepare your couch, arm yourself with your most comfortable blanket, and ensure your remote control is fully charged and facing the right direction. "In these dark times, we must stick together by staying apart and embracing our most potato-like tendencies," says Mr. Day-Soff. "After all, friendship is best expressed through the individual joy each person experiences when watching 'Succession' in the comfort of their own home."