In an unexpected twist that left urban planners scratching their heads, Canadian Express has announced its ambitious plan to transform Hudson Bay into the next "it" destination, overshadowing the age-old clamor for Toronto's trendy spots. “Sorry, Toronto, but we’re shoving you off the map. We’re taking the glamour north!” declared Kevin Maple, Chief Visionary Officer at Canadian Express, during a press conference held in a Twinkie factory—because, why not? The plan reportedly involves a series of dramatic enhancements to Hudson Bay, including the construction of luxury igloos and ice bars—complete with vodka shots served in frozen fish. “We're not just aiming for the locals; we want to attract the Instagram influencers and TikTokers who think wearing parkas is a fashion statement!” Maple explained. He added, “What better backdrop for your bare feet in the snow than an ice sculpture of Drake?” Recent focus groups revealed that potential visitors are drawn to Hudson Bay’s historic charm—particularly its legendary polar bear selfie opportunities. “You’ll never get a polar bear to photobomb your Toronto skyline shot,” teased Sarah Blizzard, the company’s Social Media Trend Strategist. Canadians will be encouraged to take the “polar plunge” to gain exclusive entry into an elite winter club, which promises free hot chocolate and marshmallows if you can survive a polar bear’s casual judgment of your life choices. Travel packages are being revamped to include “Outdoor Wilderness Spa Retreats” poking fun at Toronto's overpriced wellness trend, inviting guests to relax in “Natural Hot Booze Springs” made with real Canadian whiskey. “Nothing says rejuvenation like staring into the icy abyss while sipping a Negroni,” Maple mused. “Also, if you're lucky, a moose might join!” Local fauna are reportedly ready for their close-ups. “Seriously, we’ve hired the entire Hudson Bay animal kingdom to create realities show-style interactions. Imagine a reality show called ‘Moose or Lose,’ where you have to navigate the wilderness while avoiding moose that may or may not have ulterior motives,” chuckled Blossom Fern, the newly appointed ‘Director of Wildlife Affairs’. Critics of this project worry that there could be a shortage of Instagrammable snowdrifts, but Canadian Express assures us that they have secured a snow-making machine, capable of producing artisanal snow at will. “No one has ever experienced ‘permanent winter’ until now!” Maple proclaimed, while his eyes gleamed with the excitement of probably too much sugar from Twinkies. Meanwhile, Torontonians have responded with bemusement to the news. “Hudson Bay now? What’s next, a heavyweight showdown with the CN Tower?” grumbled a local barista named Chad as he stifled a laugh behind his organic, gluten-free, oat milk latte designed to taste like sadness. Having successfully made Hudson Bay the most sought-after destination in Canada before it’s even happened, Canadian Express is leaning into its slogan: “We put the ‘cool’ in 'unbearably cold!’” Travel experts predict that in years to come, tourists will flock to Hudson Bay in droves, leaving Toronto wondering where they went wrong. Rumors suggest that the city is planning to counteract this marketing coup by selling its 1millionth condo or launching a new line of maple syrup-flavored everything. As the chatter continues about the coming Hudson Bay boom, one thing is clear: Canadian Express is on a mission, and Toronto might just have to start offering “local bear encounters” to stay relevant. So, pack your blades and warm mittens—this winter may just become one for the history books!