In a stunning turn of events that has left ecologists and local café owners scratching their heads, Brisbane, once a bustling metropolis of ambition and opportunity, has officially become the first city in Australia to declare itself a "no-dream zone." Effective immediately, Brisbane's council has enacted a heatwave-inspired ordinance that permits only the sunniest thoughts and the hottest ambitions to be expressed—preferably while sipping lukewarm flat whites or melting gelato. It seems the suffocating combination of climate change and the sheer force of Brisbane’s sweltering heat has led to a dramatic decline in the ambition levels of its citizens. Local officials attribute this phenomenon to the psychological effects of attempting to work in a 40-degree Celsius sauna. “We simply can’t have the good people of Brisbane dreaming big while they’re sweating buckets,” said a council spokesperson. “It’s just not fair to expect so much from them when the heat alone is enough to rob them of their will to live.” The city’s latest initiative, dubbed the “Cool Down Dreams Project,” encourages residents to abandon ambitious aspirations for simpler pursuits: like napping in the shade, perfecting their technique for eating ice cream before it melts, and fine-tuning their ability to complain about the weather. Brisbane is expected to become a hub for ‘chill out’ workshops, where participants can learn how to let go of their dreams and just enjoy the heatwave. Critics of the ordinance are few and far between, largely because they’re too busy collapsing from heat exhaustion. However, one local entrepreneur, who requested anonymity to avoid becoming target practice for the "fun police," expressed frustration at the new policy. “I was just about to launch my start-up app to help people find affordable air conditioning systems, and now it feels like I've been booted out of the dream job I didn’t even have yet! What do they expect us to do—count the clouds or something?” Residents have embraced the new mantra with enthusiasm, swapping motivational posters featuring “Dream Big!” for ones simply stating, “Whatever, Mate.” Cafes are bustling with customers who are more interested in sipping just-cold-enough coffees than plotting their world domination. Job applications have been replaced by “applications for extended breaks.” Local gyms have downscaled to hosting ‘lie on the floor’ classes instead of ‘high-intensity interval training.’ Not to worry, though—Brisbane’s Council assures its citizens that they will always have a bright future in other, less ambitious pursuits. High on the list are competitive shade-seeking, the art of the perfect heat-induced sigh, and the extremely lucrative business of selling hand fans and wide-brimmed hats. “We have to adapt to this new reality,” declared a council member with a sunburned neck. “Climate change is real, but so is the need to chill.” As the sun sets on what was once the land of opportunity, Brisbane stands proudly as a beacon of sweaty acceptance. No dreams are allowed here; just the fundamental desire to escape the encroaching heat. So, residents, don’t forget your sunscreen—as you let the heat steal your dreams, you can at least ensure that your skin doesn’t end up looking like a lobster.