In a nation fraught with strife, where corporate logos have replaced the flags of sovereignty, citizens are waking up to a new reality: the great game of corporate shielding. Yes, folks, it seems that when faced with the unfathomable pit of despair brought forth by mismanagement and maltreatment, the logical response is to pull up the proverbial drawbridge and let the corporate knights guard their fortified castles. The latest episode of “As the Economy Turns” unfolds as citizens rally together—or rather, continue to scroll through their feeds, laughing at memes while their reality deteriorates around them. In a shocking revelation, recent studies have shown that 75% of the population can now recite their favorite fast-food menu options faster than they can name their elected officials. “It’s easier,” claims a local man clutching a half-eaten cheeseburger. “I know that McMenus don’t have hidden agendas. They just want my money and cholesterol.” Experts agree this may be the highest form of loyalty witnessed since the Great Sliced Bread Wars of 2023, where the bread producers navigated the treacherous waters of gluten-free demands while still managing to dominate the market. Meanwhile, corporations have taken to crafting an array of protective measures that would make even King Arthur jealous. With tax loopholes resembling the labyrinth from an ancient thriller and legal jargon more complex than the plot twist of a soap opera, these behemoths are thriving in an age where accountability is just a word—one that’s omitted from the dictionary under their watchful gaze. “We’re simply doing what any responsible organization would do,” said a spokesperson for MegaCorp Inc. while standing in front of an oversized banner that read, “Have you tried our new, guilt-free, sustainably-sourced, ethically questionable products?” As protests sprouted like weeds in an abandoned lot, one can easily spot the die-hards waving their ‘Down with Corporatocracy’ signs while capturing it all for their TikTok followers. “I’m fighting the good fight,” proclaimed one protester whose bio proudly boasted, “avid activist and influencer.” Yet, as he pulled out his latest smartphone to live-stream the event, one couldn’t help but notice the striking contradiction—who needed grassroots change when you had brands waiting to sponsor your soul? As the rest of the world looks on with either bemusement or terror, it appears that our nation is stuck in an ideological tug-of-war—half the population complaining about corporate greed while the other half dedicates themselves to perfecting their online personas, complete with corporate-sponsored hashtags. “It’s like that saying, ‘You can’t break free if you never really wanted to,’” mused a philosopher trying to make sense of the madness while surrounded by coworkers discussing their latest online shopping hauls. Even the government, in an unprecedented move, has decided to join the fray, all while reassuring everyone that this time, “it’s different.” After dropping a hint or two that regulations might be on the table, they promptly shifted their focus to a new bipartisan bill: “Protect OUR Brands Act.” Citizens could barely keep a straight face as news spread that the new legislation aimed to protect corporate profits in a time of economic instability. “It’s like a sell-out sandwich,” grumbled a local woman. “Two pieces of bread, filled with a helping of mediocre policies and a side of nothing for the people.” And so, in a world where truth feels more like an abstract concept than an empirical fact, one thing remains certain: the less people know about their own government, the more they will rely on corporations to tell them what to think and how to feel—especially when it comes to emotional support lattes and winter-friendly scented candles. In this dystopian delight, each day blurs into the next, as we wait for the great awakening that feels suspiciously like another marketing campaign. Grab your chai latte, folks. One way or another, we’ve got a world to absorb in the glow of our screens.