In a shocking revelation that will surprise absolutely no one except for those who’ve been living under a rock (or, perhaps, a climate denier’s basement), a groundbreaking new study from the Institute of "You Should Probably Have Seen This Coming" has concluded that sea levels are indeed on the rise. Yes, folks, you heard it right! Our oceans are, quite literally, inching closer to our beachfront properties, just in time for the summer vacation season. The study, which focused on the alarming correlation between melting ice caps and a rise in sea levels, found that for every iceberg that dwindles into a sad little puddle, our coastal cities take another step closer to being the world’s most expensive water parks. Researchers were reportedly shocked—shocked!—to discover that when you heat up ice, it melts. “It’s not rocket science,” said lead researcher Dr. Aqua Flotation, who has since applied for a grant to study the consequences of using a hairdryer on an ice sculpture. “But we feel that this study was necessary to remind everyone that unregulated emissions are not just disappointing but may also get your toes wet.” Countering the extensive knowledge already present in over two decades' worth of scientific literature, skeptics have already weighed in, suggesting that sea levels might simply be playing an elaborate game of hide and seek. “Maybe the water is just really good at holding its breath,” said local conspiracy theorist and part-time hopeful underwater basket weaver, Ned Flipper. “Who’s to say the oceans haven’t just decided to rise dramatically and then sink back down? It’s practically like a magic trick! And remember, everything that happens has to be part of a grand plan … like building more golf courses!” Meanwhile, coastal cities are scrambling to prepare for the impending flood. They’ve opted to implement “creative solutions,” which include sandbag walls that are likely to be as effective as a paper umbrella in a hurricane. City planners across the U.S. are now recommending that residents invest in inflatable boats while also preemptively marketing “mermaid tours.” Upscale real estate agents, on the other hand, have started glittering ads for “waterfront properties” that might offer suburban charm just as the water features stretch into the living room. In coastal hotspots, the new trend is to dig trenches, with homeowners joyfully declaring their yards the perfect venues for exotic fish habitats. “Sure, it stinks when the tide comes in and my car floats away,” muttered one seaside resident, “but think of the Instagram photos!” As the world debates whether this revelation should prompt immediate systemic changes, Dr. Flotation seems optimistic but realistic—and isn't that all we need? “At this point, it’s really about altering short-term perspective. Get used to wet shoes, people! Just think of it as being fashionable or a new lifestyle choice!” And if all else fails, we can always just wait for evolution to kick in and develop gills. After all, who doesn’t want to adapt to life underwater? Think of the possibilities!