In a shocking turn of events, the Great American Book Ban of 2023 has taken a decisive shift, as organized groups have officially usurped the traditional role of concerned parents in the battle for literary censorship. The American Library Association (ALA) unveiled their latest findings, revealing that over 70% of book bans now come from well-organized factions and elected officials, leaving the poor beleaguered parents trailing in their wake at a mere 16%. “Gone are the days when one disgruntled mother would storm into the library with a list of 'dangerous' titles from her book club,” said a spokesperson for the ALA, who asked to remain anonymous due to fears of a social media backlash from the fervent anti-book brigade. “Now, it’s like a corporate board meeting up in here! They’re presenting PowerPoints and everything!” Among the top contenders for cancellation are patient favorites like Maia Kobabe’s "Gender Queer" and Toni Morrison's masterpieces. However, the real news is that a grassroots movement, or rather, a “groan roots” movement, has arisen, allowing anyone with an internet connection and a penchant for outrage to task themselves with choosing which books should be effectively ‘unreadable.’ “At this rate," chuckled a local librarian gasping for once-quiet shelves, “the next thing you know, we’ll have CEOs of anti-book organizations holding press conferences while blasting anime soundtracks! Can you imagine? ‘Banning Books: The Musical!’” In a peculiar twist, some parents have started to band together in an effort to reclaim their spot at the forefront of the censorship conversation. They’ve created a new social media trend dubbed #ParentPower, which has thus far resulted in two elaborate TikTok dances centered around the concept of “book neutrality.” But many in the new book-banning hierarchy are unperturbed. “Why listen to parents when we can strategize with our fellow professionals?” remarked the head of a notable anti-book organization while practicing their best stern librarian glare. “It’s much more efficient. Plus, we have matching uniforms!” The uprising of organized groups has prompted an unforeseen surge in book club memberships across the nation. However, this is not the cozy gathering around a bottle of merlot that one might expect. Rather, it consists of hastily assembled squads with name tags like “The League of Literary Banishers” and “Moms Against Reading.” “I thought the main conflict would be discussing character arcs, but it’s mostly just arguing over who knows the most statistics about the dangers of books,” lamented a slightly overwhelmed new member at her first meeting. “I miss those good old days when we just argued about whose baby was the best.” While parents repeatedly shout from the sidelines, clutching their paperback copies of classic novels as if they've just rescued them from a flood, the organized groups press on, invoking ever more elaborate tactics of persuasion, including unfounded conspiracy theories and social media campaigns that could rival the most dramatic of reality TV shows. “Fear not, my literary warriors!” proclaimed one ringleader, clutching a revised list of banned titles. “As long as we keep our hashtags trending and our PowerPoints spiffy, we’ll have these kids reading nothing but the back of cereal boxes in no time!” As the Great American Book Ban continues its wild trajectory, many are left to wonder: What will be next? “Honestly,” said a weary librarian, "the way things are going, we might as well start banning books about the benefits of banning books. Talk about a plot twist!"