In a bold move to reclaim the hearts (and stomachs) of American deli lovers, Boar's Head has declared its Jarratt, Virginia plant a "Liverwurst-Free Zone" following a rather unruly Listeria outbreak. In a press conference, company representatives assured the public that they were taking this outbreak seriously — so much so that they decided to forgo liverwurst entirely, because who even likes that stuff anyway? The ill-fated deli meat plant, notorious for its "imminent threat" to food safety (and possibly a few local residents' lunch plans), has been the scene of more health violations than a three-star restaurant in a horror movie. Federal inspectors had been so frequently appalled they'd practically set up camp in the facility, perhaps hoping to score a free sandwich in exchange for their horror stories. "We’ve realized that liverwurst is not so much a delicacy as it is a prank pulled on unsuspecting consumers," said a company spokesperson, who chose to remain anonymous due to fear of being spotted buying a liverwurst sandwich in public. "By permanently discontinuing it, we're making a bold statement: If you want to eat something that could potentially make you sick, at least let it be something good." Experts suggest that this decision to rid the plant of its liverwurst obsession may have been influenced by the recent viral sensation of consumers questioning why liverwurst even exists. Memes flooded social media featuring ghosts of liverwurst past, with captions like, "Liverwurst: The lunch meat your mom made you eat when she was out of everything else." Meanwhile, local historians are already arguing that this move could have massive implications for the Jarratt, VA economy. "People traveled from miles away to sample Boar's Head liverwurst. Oh, the lines were long! Sure, they were also long at the hospital for those who had been improperly served, but still! We need to remember our roots!" lamented one nostalgic resident. As the plant downsizes operations, one local entrepreneur has already announced plans to launch a liverwurst-themed escape room, proclaiming: “It’ll be a real challenge! Can you escape the endless cycle of bad decisions?” Boar's Head assures consumers that their deli meats will still bring joy to tables across America—just with a lot less existential questioning about liverwurst. In the meantime, listeria seems to have booked a one-way ticket out of Virginia, leaving residents excitedly planning their next picnic—so long as everyone avoids the liverwurst.