In a stunning turn of diplomatic events, world leaders have gathered in the picturesque haven of Bled, Slovenia, to engage in what they are calling “important discussions” about world peace, climate change, and, of course, the critical issue of tea selection for the upcoming G20 Summit. The serene lakeside setting, seemingly far removed from the chaos of global affairs, has led many to wonder if this is a serious summit or simply an extravagant tea party for the elite. The gathering, officially dubbed “Diplomatic Détente,” kicked off with a charming photo op featuring leaders mingling against a backdrop of idyllic mountains. Observers noted that this was the first time in months that global politicians had managed to stand next to each other without awkward stares, indicating that perhaps the scenic views had worked some magic on their usually strained relationships. However, inside the conference room, it was a different story. While the leaders presented their “progress” on pressing matters, discussions quickly devolved into heated debates over whether Earl Grey or chamomile should be served at a future summit. Sources revealed that one prominent leader claimed, “Tea is a metaphor for diplomacy; if we can’t agree on the tea, how will we ever resolve anything?” This profound insight left many feeling completely bewildered, wondering just how they ended up at a Freedom From the Five-Day Work Week seminar instead of a serious world leaders’ summit. Meanwhile, fringe issues like national security, food scarcity, and human rights were shuffled to the background as fun team-building exercises took center stage. This included bizarre trust falls into the shimmering lake and an emotionally charged game of “pin the blame on the rogue state,” reminiscent of the childhood fun one might have in a summer camp. Surprisingly, some leaders reportedly showed surprising skill in finger painting their nations’ grievances on large canvases. As the meeting progressed, leaders offered fervent “joint statements,” a loose term that could also describe joint attempts to make sense of their immense privilege while the world burns. The buzzword of the day, “collaboration,” echoed throughout the hall, but it felt more like a thin veneer over the reality of their intentions. Instead of innovative policies or tangible solutions, they offered the world nothing more than hashtags and “thoughts and prayers” adorned with emojis—because surely, that’s what the planet needs in the face of unprecedented crises. As evening fell, attendees were treated to a lavish banquet featuring the finest wines and a selection of gourmet meals, all prepared to ensure that no leader would leave with an empty stomach. Attendees reportedly raised their glasses and made toasts to “unity” while half-heartedly pretending to care about the struggles of ordinary citizens grappling with rising costs and climate disasters. In the end, the Bled summit may have provided a picturesque setting for leaders to disengage from their responsibilities and reaffirm their love for fine tea and luxurious living, leaving the world wondering if the only thing that truly changed was the color theme of the banquet. “Bled, Not Red” might best describe the first day’s outcome—but red ink will likely be the legacy they leave behind if they can’t return to the negotiation table with anything more than a menu of tea choices. As participants left for the evening, one senior diplomat was overheard quipping, “Well, at least we’ve flavored the tea. Now let’s hope we can brew some real change.” The world collectively sighed, recognizing yet again that when it comes to global leadership, it’s not what’s in the cup that matters; it’s how deliciously vacant the promises served up with it tend to be.