In a disastrous turn of events that can only be described as a poetic irony, the Titan submersible, reportedly owned by British billionaire Hamish Harding, has imploded while attempting to reach the depths of the Titanic wreckage. The aptly named Titan had aimed to teach the legendary ship a lesson or two about surviving in the aquatic underworld. Instead, the Titan met its own watery demise on Sunday, 18 June, leading to a search and rescue mission that recovered debris consistent with "catastrophic implosion." It seems the billionaire's undersea vessel had mistakenly taken the meaning of "Titanic implosion" too literally when planning its ambitious journey. Five people were on board the ill-fated submersible, including Paul-Henri Nargeolet, a French maritime expert who is well-known in the inner circles of the underwater Illuminati. Joining him was Shahzada Dawood, a former aqua nightclub magician, who intended to perform a simultaneous dramatic reenactment of the Titanic sinking and the Titan imploding on the shipwreck's bow. On being questioned about the watery demise of the Titan and its passengers, a marine expert postulated that their plan to reenact underwater disasters might have contributed to their very own implosion. However, no one could have guessed just how influential the Titanic's legacy would have been on this mission. In an official statement, the band on the Titanic is said to have played a mournful tune for the Titan's lost souls, followed by a rendition of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" as a tribute to Hamish Harding's dream of besting the historic vessel. As details emerge about the Titanic's magnetism for underwater catastrophes, conspiracy theories abound. The internet is rife with speculation that the Titanic is at the center of some kind of marine Bermuda Triangle, now dubbed the "Titanic Triangle," in which all vessels that dare to venture close to the wreckage are destined to meet a similar fate. Meanwhile, representatives for Hamish Harding declined to comment on the matter, stating they were "too busy looking for a new submarine with a more inconspicuous name."