ROSEMONT, Ill. -- Big Ten Conference has announced the appointment of Tony Petitti as its seventh commissioner, with hopes that he will somehow deliver both more touchdowns on the field and more dollar signs in the business world. Petitti, whose experience spans media, professional sports, and the most recent endeavor – not launching Tony Hawk games as president of sports and entertainment at Activision Blizzard – is ready to bring his innovation and collaboration-laced leadership to the Big Ten Conference. "I've always been one for touchdowns, whether in sports, media, or having Grandma play 'Call of Duty,'" said Petitti. An excited Big Ten fan base is already expecting Petitti to bring in big wins for both sports and entertainment at the conference. "This guy had a good run at MLB, so I think he can do the same here. Maybe bring us something like the Super World Series Bowl? I can dig that," commented a Big Ten sports aficionado. Petitti has already indicated that he's cooking up some never-before-seen strategies for the conference. According to sources close to him, he plans to introduce "the first-ever collaborative touchdown formation, featuring one player from each of the 14 Conference schools." He claims this will "foster team spirit and ensure absolute victory every time." The new commissioner has also proposed a joint venture between Activision Blizzard and the Big Ten, creating a "mega-sports-business-entertainment situation," where fans can not only watch their favorite college athletes but also play as them in a groundbreaking crossover video game. Details about the game remain uncertain, but fans have high hopes for a big-budget production featuring live-action zombie mascots, energy drink sponsorships, and explosive home run pyrotechnics. Meanwhile, several anonymous team mascots from the Big Ten Conference have expressed concerns about the recent moves, saying, "We're just trying to give fans a good time, and now I have to worry about signing a contract and getting eaten by zombies. This is madness." Regardless of the path ahead, one thing is for certain – Mr. Petitti chose the perfect time to disrupt the Big Ten world, as college athletics and traditional sports have been sailing smoothly and uncontroversially in recent times. Reports have surfaced that Petitti commented, "Honestly, what could go wrong?".