In a shocking turn of events in the business world, a tech startup named Big Sky Innovations has declared that their mountainous views are more important than productivity, innovation, and actual work. The company’s annual retreat was held last week atop the spectacular Rocky Mountains, where executives exchanged their PowerPoints for panoramic views and spreadsheets for selfies. CEO Chad “Peak Performance” McMountain declared in his keynote address, “Here at Big Sky, we believe the only thing better than cloud computing is literally being in the clouds.” He encouraged all employees to embrace the majesty of the great outdoors, insisting that staring at the scenic beauty would magically enhance their coding skills and boost quarterly profits. “Why solve problems when you can admire the problem-solving potential of nature?” Employees were treated to a cornucopia of outdoor team-building exercises, which included trust falls off mountaintops and group cheering whenever someone spotted a particularly impressive snow-capped peak. “Nothing brings a team together quite like hiking thighs that scream ‘I hate you,’” said intern Jessica “Just-Here-for-the-Sunset” Thompson. The highlight of the retreat involved a guided meditation session titled “Find Your Inner Mountain: Chilling Without Actually Working.” The meditation instructor, dressed as a sage hermit with a questionable grasp on reality, led employees through the process of aligning their chakras with the rhythms of the natural world, requesting that participants visualize the productivity they had always dreamed of while ignoring the growing pile of emails waiting back in the office. “We used to have cost-cutting meetings and brainstorming sessions,” said marketing head Lily “Mountain Goat” Green, “but this is way more effective. I mean, who wouldn’t be inspired to generate new ideas after staring at a mountain for three days straight?” When pressed about her thoughts on the lack of actual work done, she shrugged and said, “Nature is the true boss here. We just take orders from it.” Critics are skeptical, however. Linda “Skeptical” Miller, a former employee turned whistleblower, complained, “In my day, we discussed strategy over coffee instead of wine in a hot tub, surrounded by 10,000-foot peaks. Now it’s all about pretending like nature is a suitable replacement for deadlines. I came for the job—stayed for the free snacks. This? This is just an extended field trip.” Amidst the fanfare, human resources has implemented a new “Mountain Worship Policy,” allowing employees to take time off whenever they feel “overwhelmed” by the beauty of the surroundings. HR director Greg “Hiking Is Free Therapy” Smith stated, “Every Saturday should be a sabbatical in the mountains. It’s like a vacation, but we still expect you to read emails in between taking Instagram photos.” While employees celebrate their newfound appreciation for nature, some are starting to question their use of vacation days and if wearing hiking boots technically counts as business casual. Nevertheless, as the new productivity paradigm stands: big views, bigger hype, and who needs a paycheck when you have a breathtaking sunset silhouetting your ‘pigeon pose’? As Big Sky Innovations continues its quest for zen-like productivity amidst the mountains, other companies are reportedly considering similar retreats. “If we can get our hands on one of those Instagrammable spots,” said a rival CEO, “we might just let our employees float on river rafts while ‘working’ from kayaks. The feedback we receive from our financial reports is basically as useful as a duck in the sky.” The future remains uncertain as productivity metrics are thrown out the window in favor of a holistic approach to business. For now, the only thing rising faster than Big Sky's stock prices are the mountains themselves—and they promise to have the last laugh.