In a move that can only be described as “utterly ridiculous” and “absolutely necessary,” the Big 12 Conference has announced it will take its beloved Farmageddon rivalry overseas, pitting the Iowa State Cyclones against the Kansas State Wildcats in Dublin, Ireland. This historic Week 0 matchup is being heralded as “Cows, Corn, and Competitive Spirit,” or as local Irish pubs are calling it, “What in the name of Guinness is going on here?” Forget the picturesque landscapes and rich culture; the real stars of Dublin will be the footballers in their helmets and pads, bringing the wild intensity of college football to the Emerald Isle. Fans of both teams are likely busy dusting off their passports, eagerly ready to replace their hot dogs with Irish bangers and nachos with colcannon, all while shouting “Let’s go, Cyclones!” as they guzzle pints of lager. But that’s not all! Iowa State and Kansas State have made a mutual agreement to replace traditional tailgating with a more local flair—think potato-skin nachos and whiskey shots offered from the back of converted cattle trucks. Plans are already underway for a promotional event called “Kiss My Blarney Stone,” where a select few lucky fans can pucker up for a smooch on Ireland’s most famous hunk of rock following a raucous pre-game party involving sheep herding contests and a deep dive into the history of corn production. “Why are we playing over there? Honestly, we just want to see how much beer we can sell when the locals realize they’re being subjected to American football for the first time,” said one Big 12 official. “Plus, the Irish need to learn the correct way to yell ‘Go Cyclones!’ while holding a Guinness!” In addition to this high-profile clash of NCAA titans, the Big 12 showcased some equally thrilling non-conference matchups, including Auburn at Baylor—where the two schools will reportedly settle their differences with a cook-off— and Iowa at Iowa State, a game that has been dubbed “The Family Feud,” complete with a couch as the grand prize. Meanwhile, Oklahoma State will take on Oregon in a battle of fashionable uniforms, as both schools wish to determine once and for all who has the best alternate jerseys. The true highlight of the schedule, however, is the Cincinnati versus Nebraska showdown at Arrowhead Stadium, where fans will get a chance to witness two teams try to remember how to play college football after years of a disjointed rivalry. “It’s like a reunion of lost relatives that you never wanted to invite,” said a conference spokesperson. So as the Big 12 Conference gears up for an overseas extravaganza filled with football and frolics, one can only hope this foray into the global arena will mark the beginning of a new era—complete with travel packages for fans that include a pre-game pint, a matchup against the most famous stones in the world, and, of course, the confusion of locals trying to figure out why Americans are screaming at cows.