In a dazzling display of political choreography, President Joe Biden has unveiled what many are calling his "New Deal 2.0," which aims to rein in corporate giants that have, for far too long, prowled the economic landscape like lions in a discount buffet. A flurry of executive orders and press releases have emerged from the White House, but critics are already sharpening their pencils to draft obituaries for any meaningful change. After all, what says “I mean business” more than a friendly chat over coffee with CEOs who have mastered the art of corporate alchemy? Over lattes at the White House, Biden extended a gentle handshake to the tech titans, oil barons, and pharmaceutical magnates, promising that he’d kindly “remind” them of their responsibilities in the 21st century. Social media buzzed with optimism as the hashtag #GentlerHandshake began trending, as supporters lauded the unprecedented friendliness of the President's approach. In a ceremonial move, Biden even donned a “Corporate Compliance” baseball cap to symbolize his commitment to “check-in” conversations rather than costly regulations that might offend the sensibilities of our benevolent overlords. “Why regulate them when they can self-regulate?” the President quipped during his speech, winking at a nearby lobbyist like it was the most radical comment ever made in a room full of swept-under-the-rug issues. Economists have described Biden’s approach as a “hug and hope” strategy, suggesting that all the nation’s woes would vanish if just everyone could be a little more collegial at the next corporate retreat. Has the President sent an elegant vision that dares to confront a profit-at-all-costs mentality? Or was it merely an invitation to schedule more brunches with the C-suite crowd? As part of this initiative, the Biden administration has introduced a bold “tax incentive for goodwill” proposal that would offer corporations leniency in taxes if they can prove they have hosted at least three diversity lunches and painted their offices a cheerful shade of green—preferably while practicing mindfulness techniques. “Why not give them a little nudge?” said a senior advisor over a vintage Chardonnay. “We find that pouring good vibes on corporate funds is more effective than actual oversight.” However, as pundits perched on their soapboxes seek out the silver lining with their champagne flutes in hand, dissenters contend that the New Deal 2.0 is little more than a cosmetic touch-up for a crumbling economic infrastructure. “It’s like putting a new coat of paint on a sinking ship,” one economist remarked while shaking their head sadly. “If we were hoping for a rescue, we’re probably going to need a lifeboat instead of a slogan.” Even as Biden’s warm gestures towards corporate giants are met with applause from the palm-greased middle classes, many citizens have begun to raise a skeptical brow. “Well, at least he’s friendly,” said one bewildered voter, clutching their grocery bill that had risen faster than the national debt. “But I’d trade friendliness for a decent paycheck any day.” And so the nation continues to hold its breath, watching as Biden dances the delicate waltz of diplomacy with corporation-huggers, unsure if the music is leading to a new era of prosperity or merely to the dulcet sounds of corporate boardrooms chuckling at the gentle handshakes of Washington policy—while the rest of us try not to choke on our dreams of ever affording that latte.