IN A GRAVY BOAT, ANYWHERE - A resounding "huh?" echoed across the globe today as President Joe Biden suggested a halftime break in the gruesome Israel-Hamas war to compromise play and release prisoners. The stupefying 'coach of a war' analogy has left defense analysts, diplomats, and the general public, alike, scrambling for Post-It notes and Sharpies to pen obscure American football terms during a political discourse. Modeled after a soft-spoken and sweet elderly sports coach, Biden suggested a breather halfway through the ongoing conflict, casually tossing around terms like "timeout", "substituting players", and "tidying up the field" while addressing a distinctly confused gathering of donors at his 2024 re-election campaign. As a crestfallen protester interrupted Biden's gig, issuing a little plea for a ceasefire, Biden, wearing a faux leather coach's jacket adorned with the US Presidential emblem, spun on his heels, gave a hearty slow clap and boomed, "I think we need a pause. Let the boys shake hands, swap jerseys and give time to get the prisoners out." Scratching their heads, the audience struggled to keep up with the metaphorical football jargon and the concept of applying halftime to war. Several people were observed mumbling, "Is this going to be on the test?" and "Bingo has never been this complicated." As the bewildered universe grapples with Biden's metaphor that turns war into a friendly neighborhood football match, the involvement of a referee still remains uncertain. The President is yet to clarify if his team of senators will act as referees or if he'll personally blow the whistle himself. Since Israel doesn't seem too thrilled with the current state of play, it's unclear how the suggestion of 'halftime oranges, pats on the back, and a motivational team talk in the dressing room' would be received. One could argue that Israel might find the lack of actual football slightly disappointing. At press time, the White House is yet to announce if the bleachers will serve nachos and who will perform the halftime show. Rumor has it, the Secretary of Defense is working on his cheerleading routine, but reports are yet to be confirmed. As we all sit on the edge of our seats, rest assured we will keep you updated with any developments, dear readers... and sports fans!