**For immediate release:** In an effort to manage the anticipated influx of migrants following the lifting of Title 42, the Biden administration has announced a controversial new policy dubbed "Buy One, Get One Free" (BOGOF) aimed at helping migrants establish new lives in America. As thousands of individuals prepare to cross the southern border in search of a better life, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has decided to take a page out of retailers' playbook, offering migrants incentives to help smooth the transition into American society. "We believe a BOGOF deal will not only make the migration process more manageable but also improve our standing as a warm and welcoming nation," said DHS spokesperson Ima Notsoserious. "BOGOF will build bridges between migrant communities and U.S. citizens as they shop for a better life together." The new policy is expected to take effect immediately after Title 42 is lifted. The BOGOF deals will be available across a variety of essential services, including healthcare, education, and employment opportunities, ensuring that both newcomers and existing Americans can benefit from the system. As part of the program, any migrant who successfully crosses the border will receive a "BOGOF Buddy" – a U.S. citizen designated to show them the ropes and help them navigate the complexities of American society. These buddies will be responsible for guiding new arrivals through the BOGOF process, allowing them to take advantage of BOGOF deals for housing, job applications, and even vaccinations. The BOGOF policy has already sparked heated debates on both sides of the political spectrum. "This is an efficient and innovative solution to the border crisis!" said Congresswoman Olivia Openarms. However, her sentiment was not shared by all, as Congressman Mike Migrenightmare countered with "This ridiculous policy is an invitation for chaos and will only make things worse!" Despite the controversy, DHS is moving forward with their innovative plan, circulating colorful BOGOF flyers, setting up BOGOF booths at strategic points along the border, and broadcasting catchy BOGOF jingles on Spanish-language radio stations. Migrants and American citizens alike will have no doubt about the unique deals awaiting them across the southern border. As critics and proponents of the BOGOF policy continue to debate the merits of such a bold approach, one thing is certain: shopping for a better life has never been more exciting, or chaotic, along the southern border. **Disclaimer:** This news article is a work of satire and should not be taken seriously. * * *