In a groundbreaking revelation that promises to shake the very core of the world’s economy, investigative journalists have uncovered what they are calling the “Big Oil Bake Sale,” where some of the richest oil companies in the world have decided to bake secret profits into a luscious pie of taxes, which they lovingly gift to governments every year. It seems that while everyone was busy watching cat videos and planning their next avocado toast brunch, the oil giants were in a heated competition to see just how many billions could slide under the radar and into the greasy pockets of global bureaucracies. In a stunning twist that surprised absolutely no one, sources confirm that these oil companies, rather than hoarding their record-breaking profits in an offshore vault guarded by smirking dolphins, have been funneling vast sums to governments under the guise of “royalties” and “taxes.” The meticulously calculated contribution of funds has led to a “governmental gold rush,” ensuring politicians have the bankroll necessary to keep their lavish lifestyles afloat – because honestly, who else is going to pay for their fifth vacation home? Investigators discovered that behind closed doors, industry executives have been holding clandestine meetings in luxury penthouses where they toast with $10,000 bottles of champagne, congratulating one another on relics of legislation that ensure their semi-annual “generosity.” Drafted in the middle of the night, over steak dinners that would make a Michelin-star chef weep, these contracts provide a full buffet of loopholes, allowing oil tycoons to pay taxes that resemble a generous tip on a massive bill rather than any real financial responsibility. “We label it a win-win,” said a source who refused to be named, presumably because they still want to keep their job. “It’s like a charity fundraiser, except without any of the boring feel-good nonsense. Who needs transparency when you’ve got profits in the hundreds of billions? Feeding hungry politicians is way more fun!” Citizens around the globe, meanwhile, continue to fuel their vehicles with expensive gas, joyfully contributing their hard-earned money to this elaborate charade, blissfully unaware that they are, in fact, helping to make the fat cats fatter. “Little do they know,” said another anonymous analyst, “every time they fill their tank, they are not just getting gasoline, but also unknowingly investing in their government's next mouthwatering buffet.” As this shocking report circulates, more citizens are beginning to wake up. “Why is gasoline always so expensive?” one bewildered consumer mused while squinting at the latest pump prices. “This is outrageous! I’d rather spend my money on something more thrilling, like that NFT of a rock I’ve had my eye on.” In a dramatic twist of fate, some governments have decided to reward this clandestine arrangement by raising the taxes on everyday citizens, thus ensuring the cycle perpetuates. “We absolutely could cut down oil subsidies,” announced a smiling politician at a recent press conference. “But why would we? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And if it’s literally golden and flowing, let’s just keep pouring it into our offices!” As this scandal unfolds, one thing is clear: whether it’s pies, taxes, or backroom deals, the oil industry certainly knows how to keep things cooking. Meanwhile, the average person just fills up their tank, fully aware that they might as well be lighting their money on fire – but hey, at least it’s a warm flame.